Hi @nlou,
I generally tried to compensate for my husband's losses of capabilities as they happened. I stepped in to help, adapted the newly difficult activity, or got someone else to help, as soon as the need was significant. This was so that, as much as possible, he would not feel the impact of the loss: He would get to do what he wanted to do with help appearing as needed with no reference to his need for that help.

I didn't know if my husband would get angry as the symptoms increased, but I definitely feared that he would get depressed. Fortunately, with the approach described above, we avoided much frustration and have staved off most bad moods.

This takes some careful thought. I have found it helpful to be specific about the things that I try to protect for him. High on the list is his Dignity. Another is his Sense of Belonging. Another is his sense of Identity. In the situation that you describe, both Dignity and Belonging are involved and may conflict. For example, telling some sensitive people about his condition may extend his participation in the volunteer activity, building up his Sense of Belonging. But if learning his condition leads some people to exclude him or treat him with less respect, then clearly that is a loss of Dignity that you would want to avoid. Happily there is usually one or more persons who are sensitive and caring who you can trust to be helpful.

I found it important to provide the people I told about my husband's condition with specifics to help them provide appropriate assistance. For example:
- What is difficult for him at this stage,
- Basics of how to communicate with him in a way that is comfortable and effective for him (e.g. don't give him choices to make, don't expect him to remember details -- write them down)
- Best types of tasks to assign to him, and which to avoid
- Level of confidentiality of the information
- Other
This may help with your concern about your husband feeling angry.

You don't sound like someone who is meek, but you may worry about how people may react to being asked to help in this area. Most families have someone who has been through this experience. They are glad to be helpful. Sometimes you run into people who are unfamiliar with the condition or uneasy around it. I find that emphasizing our own comfort, our sense of "Normal, just an expanded version of it!", and our positive outlook helps erode those people's barriers.

I hope that there is something in the above that is helpful to you. All the best to both of you.