@gailmarienewton My ILC was ER+, PR+ Her2- Stage 2 Grade 3. I also had SO many doubts about making the right decisions for myself. My oncologist recommended neo-adjuvant chemo to shrink the tumor BEFORE surgery and pushed to begin in a week , and I chose surgery first after a second surgeon opinion. Then when the margins weren't clear after surgery, I wanted to kick myself thinking I made the wrong choice. I then had adjuvant chemo.
Still, I blamed myself thinking I ruined my chances for reconstruction.
A year later I read a study indicating that adjuvant surgery for ILC was better for predicting less recurrence than neo-adjuvant surgery. Who would have figured? And I'm happy being flat as there are risks with implants.
I think we all make the right decisions for ourselves and I would encourage you to check inside with your intuition to "feel" into what's right for you. You can't go wrong!