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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 1 hour ago | Replies (571)Comment receiving replies
@upgirl2013 We stopped traveling 2 years ago as it upsets my husband too much. Home is where he needs to be. I love to travel but won't go without him. For years he got so upset and angry when we would start packing for a trip. I could not understand that behavior until I began to see other dementia related behaviors. Some things that I have just recently learned.
If he needs to go the hardware store for some electrical tape-let him although he does not do any electrical work and never has.
If he needs to spend all day in garage organizing the garage, that is okay even though he has done that every week for the last year and we can't find anything.
If he talks through a TV show talk with him. Some day he won't be able to talk
If he wants cake for breakfast, that is okay too. Hand it to him with a smile
If he doesn't want to shower - I say that I am going to take a shower-and does he want to shower before or after me. If that doesn't work I tell him I bought him a new shirt and some new jeans and I want to see if they fit and if they don't fit I can't take them back if he tries them on before he showers. What I have learned is that I can say just about anything and he accepts it even if it does not make sense.
If the TV is too loud I can easily turn it down by telling him that I want to tell him something and he can't hear me. Once it is down he forgets that he wanted it louder.
He forgets to put his hearing aids in and I laughing told him a couple of weeks ago that if he does not hear it the second time and he does not have his hearing aids in then I won't repeat. The next day he didn't have his hearing aids in and I said something to him. The second time I just mouthed the words and he was watching me. He started laughing and told me I had to say it loud at least twice. We both laughed. I have to learned to tease him and play with him again.
Choose your battles--some are important and must be dealt with gently but must be dealt with. Others do not matter.
Don't fight it as you will lose. Acceptance was the healthiest thing I have done for both of us. I hope you enjoy your trip.
Replies to "@upgirl2013 We stopped traveling 2 years ago as it upsets my husband too much. Home is..."
@lizzabeth Thank you for your suggestions and insights. We will continue with the plans to the see the grandkids and I will reassess the rest of the trip then .
@lizzabeth A wonderful post that I can definitely relate to. Thank you for sharing. I feel like my once very well organized home has been turned upside down. My husband hides everything in fear that someone is going to steal what we have. He has sorted and packed and resorted and repacked his things in our bedroom so many times that it is difficult to find him clean clothes on a daily basis. I have to hide his underwear to make sure he has clean ones when needed. I use to get so angry with him, but now I just tell him he better make sure he knows where his clothes are…I’d hate to see him have to go to church in his birthday suit. 🙃 So far that has not been a problem. 🤣
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@lizzabeth thank you for this!!!
We currently have 14 boxes of cereal stashed in our closet, multiple bags of almonds, and many other grocery items. He thinks “they” have done away with things, so must buy it while he can still find it. I need to not try to correct this, but we may need to build an addition to our closet. I know grocery shopping is the only thing he may feel he has control over. What you wrote is so very helpful. Thank you.