@katrina123
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I deeply appreciate your feedback especially with what you are going through.
My sister and I have visited multiple facilities…multiple times..over the past few years. We even had arranged for a room for her last year, however on the move-in day she was in a wild mood, and the facility determined it was not a fit after all. It was really a big blow as we had jumped through hoops and done so much paperwork to get her in. We just left discouraged and frustrated. I don’t have energy to go through that again.
I think we can continue for a bit longer with her at home, (maybe hire help a couple of days week, if we can find the right person).

I agree that it may be my own “concept” of assisted living and memory care getting in the way.
Again, I truly value your input. I’m sad to know you are going through this with your loved one. It’s good that you are getting a perspective and prioritizing your health. It’s so important! You inspire me. Thank you for writing here. Sending you love & support ✨❤️✨🤗✨❤️✨

@katrina123 my wife still knows me, but her memory is getting worse. At times I fell I need a longer break than a few hours- and that’s when the idea of a facility enters my mind. Next thought- I want to keep her home. As she has also told me numerous times. After a particularly difficult evening I thought ‘maybe, maybe, when she doesn’t know me anymore’ then maybe….
This disease really %#&$@

@katrina123 I think Katrina's sound words are valuable. My husband is in the early stages of MCI or that's what they say. He is still independent, but his memory lags, he's confused at times, agitated quickly, is slow to communicate clearly, which is so unlike him. He needs a lot of help, with turning the tv on, phone and pc problems. He's anxious over all of it, which makes it harder for me. I read the above comments, about not sleeping, and 100% caregiving, losing jobs due to time off, and it's all sad and it makes me remember when my own mom was sick and I flew in for 30 days, I went back and had lost my job, too. Noone can tell us what to do, but I did see my 84 year-old neighbor, going through the same thing. Her husband refused to get home health care for her. And she needed it in a more advanced stage of Alzheimer's. He refused to have any help at night, and his wife desperately needed it. My friend whose mind was slipping away, needed home health care, a personal care aid, and a day care center would have helped for her socialization, but her husband refused it all. He was in denial. He kept trying to take her up to our Club gym, and leaving her there, where they finally told him, he could no longer do that. She needed to be attended to. They finally moved out of state closer to her kids, where now, she has all the help she needs. She's learned how to hold a toothbrush and fork again through physical therapy. Everyone's financial situation is different, but I believe, we have to balance our loving, thoughtful caregiving with professional help in our house and/or outside our house when the time comes. It's everyone's reaction to want to keep their cognitive impaired loved one at home, but I do believe at some point in the progression, it becomes impossible for us to do that, unless we can afford full time home health care. It's hard to say what I will do, when the time comes, but in talking to my husband, we both agreed, if either of us can't take care of one another, we gave each other the "green light" to do what we need to do, in the best interest of both of us. My heart goes out to us, as caregivers, to be put in this position with knowing what to do for our loved ones, and for us.