The fact that you wrote this post says you are incredibly STRONG! You defined what you think you ought to do. It’s ok to think the negative thoughts you’re thinking… just push hard to not allow them to be your front seat driver. Put them in the rear seat as you control the vehicle. Our prayers are lifted for you. All that we ask of you is… find that strength that you had the first go round… and show this cancer that it’s messing with the wrong person. You are powerful!