When your family is mad at you

Hello @misdeejon42,

I'm so glad you've joined us here on Connect. Could you share a little more about your sister? What does she fight with you about? Is she younger or older than you?
I'd love to connect you with people who can share their experiences, so that you find the right support. Looking forward to getting to know you better.

she fights with me about everything I do, and she is older then me by five years,

Hello misdeejon, I have the same problem but my sister is younger than I am by 15 years. She was always a difficult child who needed much attention that I am afraid she did not get since our parents were older. She has been defiant and argumentative all her life. Now in her late fifties it is just as bad. You can't go to a restaurant without her complaining about something and her children just used to go outside while she yelled at either the waiter or the manager. She is rude to salespersons in stores and threatens to have them fired. She works for a priest and the church sent her for psychological counseling for six months. I was in town and went to one visit and she pretended to be a different person during the session. But I think the therapist saw that she had been untruthful. Now the children are grown and gone (one has not communicated with her for two years and is almost estranged from the whole family). Luckily I live 2000 miles away and am pretty ok in having just monthly calls... she gets drunk and torments us all with ugly texts, etc. I am close to all three children, but the youngest has pulled away from our regular couple of week calls because it is too painful for her.... maybe once every two months and we see each other twice a year. She and my sister have not spoken in over two years and I know it is killing both of them deep inside. She has only one girlfriend (phone call relationship) and a weekly lover who is married. Frankly, this is better since she no longer does internet dating that I thought was horrible... one guy after another. At least this one is her only relationship.
It seems to be easier to have very little contact... she interprets it as I don't love her. Well, I certainly don't like her!
Well, I rambled on ... sorry

misdeejon - you cannot change ones character, so we have to learn how to get around this difficult trait your sister has. She will not change or understand what is wrong. Best to always love her and try to close off her negative ways, even if it means that you have to always say 'I'm sorry'. Maybe some day she will realize your efforts and that you will always care about her.

I have years of saying Im sorry when I did nothing, this time she has gone to far, she accused me of roaming her house in the middle of the night and taking phone numbers out of her phone book, I didn't even know where she kept it until she said something, I would never do that to her I respect her and her home, but she has it stuck in her head I did.

@misdeejon42 It sounds like you have a very difficult situation to deal with. It is certainly important to take care of yourself. Have you thought of developing some healthy friendships outside of your family? Think about it and let us know how you are doing. Teresa

I do have friends outside of family, but I've been sick for a year and a half, and it would be nice to have the support of my family, when you get older in life you find out how important your family is.I miss being with them on holidays, and just spending time with them, I'm close to my niece and she calls me every other day to check up on me,her and I take vacations together, and have great times, but everyone is afraid to stand up to my sister. I wish I could make her see what she is doing to everyone, but I can't have tried and got her mad at me,

@misdeejon42 I am glad to hear that you have other friends, that is important. It is also great that you have a niece who keeps in touch with you. Best wishes as you continue to seek support and friendship from others. Teresa

any ideas as to how to handle my sister, that is what I really want to know as of now I haven't spoken to her in 3 months, I thought that she would see she is wrong, but so far no call back saying she is sorry

@misdeejon42 The only one any of us can change is ourselves. Unfortunately, your sister will have to make a decision to change in order to have a closer relationship with her family. We can frustrate ourselves when we try to change others. It is important for you to find happiness where you are. Best wishes as you seek some peace of mind and helpful friendships. Teresa