Intimacy after (male) breast cancer

I’m not sure anything i say would be helpful to you as my experience is from a female view, but tamoxifen really messed with my interest in engaging in life and I did a lot of sitting around when I was on a higher dose of tam (20 mg). Changing to 10 mg didn't help, but I’m fine on daily 5 mg. Of course, you need to consider what the best dose is for you to reduce the chance of recurrence.

Id suggest an antidepressant but some of those reduce sexual drive.

I looked up anhedonia, and this was suggested: “Targeting Dopamine/Norepinephrine: Drugs like bupropion, vortioxetine, or ketamine may be used, as traditional SSRIs (serotonin-focused) can sometimes worsen emotional blunting.”

Personally, I’d try ketamine if I were you. You’d have to be careful on dosage. There is no antidote for an overdose. But I've read good things about it. I hope you find an answer and can move forward with a happy life!

@triciaot I am not keen on taking more medication, the side effects alone with the meds I currently take come in waves.
I took 20 mg of Tamoxifen, and only recently was able to switch to 10 mg after meeting with my oncologist. 20 mg caused daily menopause, no hot flashes, but chills, fatigue, drowsiness, moodiness. I also work and was able perform for 3-4 hrs before needing to go home.
In preparation for Christmas and NYE, I paused the Tamoxifen and stopped taking Mounjaro. My energy level was still poor, and had no desire to be intimate. Its not a perfect science.

I know tamoxifen causes loss of libido. I cannot stop Tamoxifen completely, as my onco type dx is 34. As for anti-depressants, have an alt to med, an Alpha Stim. My therapist prescribed.

Best remedy is to share with a partner and hopefully they believe you and understand. In my case, they did not believe me.

My NYE did not go well, specifically for my girlfriend. Though I have been transparent with her, on my lack of desire for intimacy. The relationship also ended.Before breast cancer, I was active, however after cancer, chemo and tamoxifen, 10 mg, zero desire to do anything, even show interest. I lack energy, and the energy comes in waves.Is there anyone that is feeling the way I am. And is there a cure for showing desire? I do not know what other male breast cancer survivors have experienced.Also, did you experience lower testosterone, or other issues that made you distant from loved ones?

@malebreastcancer47, I added your post to the Cancer: Managing Symptoms support group as well as Men's Health. As you can imagine, treatments, especially hormone treatments have a similar effect on men getting treatment for prostate cancer, namely low testosterone and low libido. You'll find several discussions about this in the prostate cancer group: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/prostate-cancer/

Also see these related discussions:
- Intimacy and cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/intimacy-and-cancer/
- Intimacy and sexual life living with colorectal cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/intimacy-and-sexual-life-living-with-colorectal-cancer/

I'm sorry to hear that, despite your transparency and being up front with your girlfriend, that the relationship ended on New Year's Eve. I look forward to hearing from members like @northoftheborder @scottbeammeup @verol65 @katehedderich @mpirruccel @dick61 and others.

Did you know that Mayo Clinic offers support through a multidisciplinary team including a sex therapist with a special focus on intimacy in cancer survivors?

@colleenyoung, appreciate the feedback and look forward to hearing from other men.
The person I dated is the first since cancer, so I did not know what I will encounter. Only recently, I was able to convince my oncology team to reduce the Tamoxifen to 10mg as I was struggling with side effects, trying to manage working full time and a relationship with fatigue. Moodiness, feeling depressed during the holidays and having no desire for closeness with my girlfriend did not help, simple things like a hug, kiss or cuddling was not desired.

I give her credit for trying, staying positive but find it very difficult to talk with anyone if they have not experienced cancer, chemo or medication. Mayo Connect forum has been great experience thus far, finally feel part of a tribe.

Wonder if there is a dating site for cancer survivors. 🙂

You might find a dating site online. I just used Google AI to ask if there were any and found some named like C is for Cupid, Romanceonly.com and Prescription4Love. Perhaps not the best titled sites (imho) and they may not even be what you're looking for. I think MayoConnect has some guidelines on posting AI content so I'm not copying and pasting what I found here, but I'm sure you will find something once you look into it.

Meanwhile, hope you elicit some helpful suggestions on this forum!

@prarysky I used Bumble, and though I did say in my profile I am a breast cancer survivor, which is how my former GF found me as she is immunio-compromised.
For now, need to understand what other male cancer survivors are experiencing with loss of desire and intimacy. Drugs are great but not all are effective.

Appreciate the feedback.

Be careful with medical advice from respondents! Ketamine and SSRI antidepressants might not mix well with even a low dose of tamoxifen!! I have the CHEK 2 gene and have already been treated with proton radiation for prostate cancer and had a mastectomy and 3 positive nodes--all at the MN Mayo. My breast cancer physician told me in no uncertain terms that I was to take 20 mg of tamoxifen for 10 years! Tamoxifen killed my libido and even my appreciation of young, sexy girls. It's a nasty drug and destroys all romantic feelings. My wife has struggled with my sudden, unemotional nature. She feels rejected. However, we decided that my chance of avoiding a recurrence of breast cancer using 20 mg of tamoxifen was maximized and worth the absence of my being affectionate, etc. Surround yourself with good friends (I have lots of bridge buddies)! There are no simple answers.

@dick61 Thank you for your honesty.
I was being very tough on myself, thinking I had intentionally hurt my girlfriend with rude behavior, and lack of intimacy. Thankfully I have great friends that knew me better. I lost my drive when I turned 40 but after cancer it got much worse. Moodiness and no desire to leaving my home, except to go to work and when I am home, I am reclusive. It was the relationship that prompted to ask my Mayo team if I could change medication or dose.
I am also diabetic, started taking Mounjaro and it has its own set of side effects, combined with Tamoxifen, gives me menopause but less now due to lower cancer med dose.

Would love to stay in touch. I keep in contact with one other male breast cancer survivor in Cleveland. He took Tamoxifen for 7 yrs but also a testosterone med. He is married, has kids that support him. I unfortunately do not have support, but have a good therapist and a Mayo cousin to keep me going.

I was interviewed last May for a cancer podcast. The link is in my profile. Its my way to pay it forward for men fearful of sharing their diagnosis.

MBC47, you can reach me any time.