Intimacy after (male) breast cancer

I’m not sure anything i say would be helpful to you as my experience is from a female view, but tamoxifen really messed with my interest in engaging in life and I did a lot of sitting around when I was on a higher dose of tam (20 mg). Changing to 10 mg didn't help, but I’m fine on daily 5 mg. Of course, you need to consider what the best dose is for you to reduce the chance of recurrence.

Id suggest an antidepressant but some of those reduce sexual drive.

I looked up anhedonia, and this was suggested: “Targeting Dopamine/Norepinephrine: Drugs like bupropion, vortioxetine, or ketamine may be used, as traditional SSRIs (serotonin-focused) can sometimes worsen emotional blunting.”

Personally, I’d try ketamine if I were you. You’d have to be careful on dosage. There is no antidote for an overdose. But I've read good things about it. I hope you find an answer and can move forward with a happy life!

@triciaot I am not keen on taking more medication, the side effects alone with the meds I currently take come in waves.
I took 20 mg of Tamoxifen, and only recently was able to switch to 10 mg after meeting with my oncologist. 20 mg caused daily menopause, no hot flashes, but chills, fatigue, drowsiness, moodiness. I also work and was able perform for 3-4 hrs before needing to go home.
In preparation for Christmas and NYE, I paused the Tamoxifen and stopped taking Mounjaro. My energy level was still poor, and had no desire to be intimate. Its not a perfect science.

I know tamoxifen causes loss of libido. I cannot stop Tamoxifen completely, as my onco type dx is 34. As for anti-depressants, have an alt to med, an Alpha Stim. My therapist prescribed.

Best remedy is to share with a partner and hopefully they believe you and understand. In my case, they did not believe me.

My NYE did not go well, specifically for my girlfriend. Though I have been transparent with her, on my lack of desire for intimacy. The relationship also ended.Before breast cancer, I was active, however after cancer, chemo and tamoxifen, 10 mg, zero desire to do anything, even show interest. I lack energy, and the energy comes in waves.Is there anyone that is feeling the way I am. And is there a cure for showing desire? I do not know what other male breast cancer survivors have experienced.Also, did you experience lower testosterone, or other issues that made you distant from loved ones?

@malebreastcancer47, I added your post to the Cancer: Managing Symptoms support group as well as Men's Health. As you can imagine, treatments, especially hormone treatments have a similar effect on men getting treatment for prostate cancer, namely low testosterone and low libido. You'll find several discussions about this in the prostate cancer group: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/prostate-cancer/

Also see these related discussions:
- Intimacy and cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/intimacy-and-cancer/
- Intimacy and sexual life living with colorectal cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/intimacy-and-sexual-life-living-with-colorectal-cancer/

I'm sorry to hear that, despite your transparency and being up front with your girlfriend, that the relationship ended on New Year's Eve. I look forward to hearing from members like @northoftheborder @scottbeammeup @verol65 @katehedderich @mpirruccel @dick61 and others.

Did you know that Mayo Clinic offers support through a multidisciplinary team including a sex therapist with a special focus on intimacy in cancer survivors?

@colleenyoung, appreciate the feedback and look forward to hearing from other men.
The person I dated is the first since cancer, so I did not know what I will encounter. Only recently, I was able to convince my oncology team to reduce the Tamoxifen to 10mg as I was struggling with side effects, trying to manage working full time and a relationship with fatigue. Moodiness, feeling depressed during the holidays and having no desire for closeness with my girlfriend did not help, simple things like a hug, kiss or cuddling was not desired.

I give her credit for trying, staying positive but find it very difficult to talk with anyone if they have not experienced cancer, chemo or medication. Mayo Connect forum has been great experience thus far, finally feel part of a tribe.

Wonder if there is a dating site for cancer survivors. 🙂