Connect
← Return to And the Academy Award goes to... Pretender
Discussion
And the Academy Award goes to... Pretender
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Feb 7 8:10am | Replies (54)Comment receiving replies
I guess I can call myself and accomplished actor. Most days/nights my wife doesn’t know who I am. She will get up in the middle of the night (I’m thinking bathroom break) but then I get a call from her asking where am I because there is a stranger in our bed. I get up and we talk for a few hours, (go over our wedding photos, etc) then I can persuade her to go back to bed with me.
She doesn’t remember anything in the morning and if I bring it up (which I know I shouldn’t) she tells me I’m making up stories and get’s mad at me (until she no longer knows me and thinks I’m her husband’s friend/relative/who ever). We no longer joke and laugh like we did for over 50 years. Now I’m just a stranger staying in her house.
On the plus side, she goes to a day care program that she loves and when I pick her up she is happy (but tired). She was going two days a week but starting in 2026 she will be going 3 days a week. I am so happy for her, going to the day care program but I also miss her.
This disease sucks
Replies to "I guess I can call myself and accomplished actor. Most days/nights my wife doesn’t know who..."
@tunared I am the youngest child currently living with my dad (88) and mom (86), who has dementia. I didn't move in to be a caregiver but more of a helper. That was 18 months ago and now I feel like I can't get away. My older siblings are hardly here although my dad seems to trust their opinions more than mine bc they are physicians. Additionally, my dad is very traditional so everything kind of goes in age order - so even though I am the one with the legal and finance CV my brother is executor of the will and my sister has access to his bank account.
Meanwhile, can I mention again that I am the one who is here 24/7? My sister is maybe here for 8 hours a month and my brother 4 but they don't listen to me, they tell I'm doing everything wrong and then turn right around and tell me I'm not doing enough. The one thing we all seem to agree on is that I'm a VERY good cook and housekeeper but alas when they're here hey want to take charge of both and if I explain where a pot is or something I'm told that I'm being controlling and that it's mom and dad's kitchen, not mine. Mom doesn't even know she's at home. Dad is an exhausted skeleton. We have some aides but not enough. I am glad for their love story but my dad seems to need for my mom to need him so he does things that are completely counterintuitive.
For the first time in my 53 years I recently thought of suicide because I am so unhappy and I keep getting told how great ? I have it. I have even been accused of taking advantage of my parents bc I use their Amex (with permission) when I shop for the house. My therapist says I have a toxic family. Oh, did I mention I'm adopted and the only adopted child? I doubt it's relevant but I never even thought about it until now when I am be so poorly treated. Please forgive me but I can wait for my folks to die so I don't have to deal with these people anymore.
@tunared
I can totally understand because H and I are headed that direction.
Lately I say something and he tells me that I didn't say that. I know what I am talking about. He is having more and more difficulty understanding and even trying to get out what he is trying to say.
This fall and winter it is the heat pump, well it was the heat pump in the spring and summer too. Through out the holiday cold spell he kept complaining that it wasn't working right for various reasons. We have had HVAC out so many times I am certain they consider him the crazy guy with the imaginary problems, I am starting to.
It was the same thing in the summer with the cooling aspect. This weird behavior of his is costing us some serious money for every time they come out.
They were supposed to come out today for another problem, actually same problem, but H cancelled because he now feels the unit is running correctly. BUT, I can assure you before Monday he will be moaning it is not working correctly and call them out again.
I can tell you that this is really having a great affect on me.
Connect
@tunared
Sucks BIG time!