I can't imagine how difficult that must be. The disconnect between what is real , where there's a man who looks like your husband , but this man is a stranger you don't really know. And when you need the real man so much to get through this, reality taunts you by giving you someone that looks like the man you knew but that man is gone and isn't coming back and you didn't even really get to say a proper good-bye to him.. My husband and I are now 80 and have known each other since we were 16. We have been married for 58 years . I am seeing my cognitive abilities slipping through my hands, as can he, and there are things I cannot be trusted to do now, and it's frustrating for us both. We're slowlly adapting to it, but at some point the divergence between who I was and who I am will be huge and he's going to be in your shoes. Do you have anyone who can stay with him for a bit while you go do something for yourself (a massage or a facial, a movie with a friend, or just a lunch where you can be a little bit of your old self for a little while?) As for massages, I believe that Grief can take a strong hold on your body--you're grieving a loss of life as you knew it-- and if subtle hints that she has spent far too much time with you and should move along to the next person haven't worked, another way to show Grief the door is to let a masseuse do it. I have no scientific evidence of this but I just feel very strongly that it helps. If you're depressed (which would actually be a rational response to your reality), perhaps your doctor could give you something to take the edge off a bit. Are there any things you can think of that you used to enjoy that you can do a little bit of? If you enjoyed playing bridge, that may be far beyond his capabilities at the moment, but other simple card games like Fish, Battle, or Old Maid might be doable and bring back a little bit of fun. I know it's hard t o have the energy or interest in re-framing your life, and you truly do have your hands full. But if you could do some little things that might give you some relief and a smidge of joy, that could give you energy to do more things to make your life a tad easier. There won't be a silver bullet solution, but if you can't make a big chunk of changes, maybe you can do lots of little things and put them together into a lovely patchwork of pleasantness every now and then. You can't change your reality. The only thing you can change is how you deal with your realitly.