@dinosoke I understand perfectly to what you have said. Everyone is scared of the unknown even someone such as myself who thinks and believes that they are invincible and I can handle anything that is thrown my way. People are always telling me that I am their Superman and I guess this went to my head because I believe I am able to protect everyone from all Evel only if they would know that underneath all that hard exterior is a scared and freighted little kid still. Like now. I have a very serious infection in my other ankle but to get me to go into an ER room is like trying to give a cat a bath. I would rather wait it out because I believe that the body can and will heal itself and that is because of the unknown and fear I have of hospital's. I would rather fight 5 guys with knives that I know I can at least hold my own with, than to go into a hospital knowing that I might not make it out of. Sadly today I still believe in that because I have like I said a very serious infection and due to this infection there is a giant hole in my ankle area that is not healing.
I can not afford to miss any days of work for the fact that I get only $95.00 a day protecting those who can not protect themselves and putting my life on the line each and every day and since I have found this job I have been able to get off the streets and living in an apartment for a year now and I can not afford to miss any days of work if I want to stay living in my apartment and eating out of my fridge and not out of a trashcan. So I clean and wrap my infected ankle and I wear a walking boot on my other ankle for the support it gives me in order for me to actually walk. It really does work for myself to be able to walk without so much pain but once I take it off then all bets are off. I can not walk without having to hold on to something to stay sturdy until I can get my leg going.
I am only telling you all this to let you know that people go through what they go through so someone else doesn't have to because they could handle it. Yes it sucks just know like you said. Your very fortunate enough to have kids and to be able to see and hold your grandson. It sure beats facing all this alone trust me.
By the way have you ever tried wearing a walking boot? Seems that if it's working for me it might work for you as well. I don't know your age nor how long you have been putting up with all of this but I know at 45 I should be enjoying life not walking around like I am 90 already.
Have a great and safe New Year and always remember to enjoy this day and every day on Purpose.