@lesliedavis Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! Many of us go through relationship woes, and you will probably hear from several who have struggled. Remember, we are not medical professionals and cannot/should not diagnose or prescribe medications. We are here to relate our own experiences and share what things have worked for us, or not.

I am glad you realize you need/want to get help. For me, journaling has played a big role is helping me. It is a way to just let things spill out of your mind and heart. No need to reread it, or let someone else read it, unless you want. Words, collages, draw pictures, etc can all be part of it. There are no "grammar police", remember! Here is a link to a discussion I started: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/journaling-the-write-stuff-for-you/

As for looking for help, check your local sources first. You don't mention where you live, employment status, etc. If you have access to an employer assistance program, they may be able to help you. Here is a link to Forbes Health best 10 sites to look at: https://www.forbes.com/health/l/best-online-therapy/

Also, if you are part of a faith community, look to resources there. Do any of these ideas sound like they might work for you?
Ginger