@xine You are very self aware and that can be a good thing. Therapy and getting sober helped me be able to just start to know the parts of myself that I apparently compartmentalized for so many years. I know that DBT and EMDR work for deep trauma, the research shows this. I have a hard time regulating my emotions and I have a part of me that will stop me from feeling deep emotional pain. I get glimpses in therapy, so that is a start. My therapist and I are doing parts work and a piece of that is talking to the different sides of me that show up. The goal is that "I" realize that "I" can take care of myself. I no longer need those old survival skills to jump in. This is a process, a journey. If I stay in the present, I do much better. It takes practice. I woke this morning in a panic and could feel my cortisol level jump. I laid in the bed and told myself that there is nothing at this moment for me to flip out about. I am in the bed. I felt my body in the bed and kept telling myself that I am okay at this moment.

I appreciate you sharing here.