@tisme: Depression can be debillitating, just as any physical condition can be. I know of people who have been diagnosed with diabetes who were terribly upset when they had to take insulin injections to control their blood sugar but eventually found how this improved their overall quality of life. My husband had faced a similar struggle when he learned he could benefit from hearing aids - but once tried, he saw (rather, he heard!) what a tremendous improvement this made in his daily functioning.

Needing or changing medication to adjust mood levels doesn't mean that you're weak or that you've failed. This is a tool to help you manage symptoms, many of which are beyond your control due to brain chemicals that may need some re-adjusting from time to time, to give your brain the support it needs and help you function at a level that brings about improvement in mood.

Often times with new medications, it can take up to four weeks to feel the full effects. Would you be able to check back in then to let me know how you're doing?

@tisme As I outlined earlier in the thread, I had a relatively late-in-life bipolar 2 diagnosis (I was 59 at the time). Much like you, my depression was eating me alive, and the diagnosis only came after being hospitalized following a near suicide. In my case it turned out that a common antidepressant had been driving what had been lifelong but fairly manageable depression right off the cliff. This didn't get discovered until a few months after the hospital stay. The doc had initially added a mood stabilizer that knocked the depression down a notch for a short while, but ultimately couldn't keep pace with it.

I wrote out the details above, so I won't rehash it here. My main suggestion for you, however, is don't give up and be open to trying new approaches. For me, along with quitting the antidepressant (Effexor), a medication switch to Lamotrigine turned everything around. I haven't had even a mild depressive episode for two years now, and this after persistent cycles of depression that had come at me several times a year going all the way back to grade school.

I'm not saying Lamotrigine is the right drug for you, that's for your psychiatrist to determine. But I am saying that it's worth sticking to it and trying different things, because something out there might very well work for you.

I have been taking medication for a cardiac issue for 25 years. About 10 years in a switch was needed. It was a good lesson on how sometimes effectiveness wears off over time, and also the importance of being open to changing meds if the one you're on stops working.

My only regret is not getting help long before it hit the crisis stage. I knew it was bad, and had been relentless and deepening for several years. If I'd sought help earlier, it's possible that a lot of mental anguish and some pretty severe behavioral issues brought on by it, as well as that visit to the hospital, probably could have been avoided. It sounds like you're working on it, which I didn't do until it was almost too late. And if your depression is getting worse, absolutely keep your doctor informed. It might be that changing medications will at the very least ease that.

Keep trying. It can get better.