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Thinking about WHEN while living with metastatic colorectal cancer
Colorectal Cancer | Last Active: Jan 11 12:38pm | Replies (15)Comment receiving replies
@popobrady, I hope you don't mind but I revised the title of this discussion because I think it is an important one that is often considered taboo with family. The thoughts about "when" are familiar visiting thoughts to anyone living with cancer. This is a safe, non-judgemental place to talk about the important things you outlined
- When to stop treatment?
- When to get things in order, with whom and how without freaking people out?
- What is important to me now? What do I want to enjoy?
- What is palliative care and when is it the right care to have?
- When is it time for hospice? Do I need it?
I'd like to bring in fellow members like @gingerw @mir123 @verol65 @afvc @wifemom3 @martin77 @hardingv who are living well with metastatic cancer and may also welcome talking about the future. As @nycmusic says, be it weeks, months, years, these are questions we think about.
Replies to "@popobrady, I hope you don't mind but I revised the title of this discussion because I..."
Thanks Colleen for bringing me in. popobrady I'm glad you posted here--these are important thoughts and questions. First, let me address getting affairs in order for a spouse. When I was 41, my first husband died and left a complete practical mess. I swore I'd never do that to someone else. 3 1/2 years ago I was told I had 1-2 years to live, due to a rare aggressive breast cancer. I threw myself into tidying up all legal, financial, and planning aspects. I pre-paid my funeral. I gave some money directly to our kids and to my half dozen nieces and nephews. I planned my funeral. Oddly enough, I truly enjoyed all this! It all felt right, and clarified some of my goals and relationships. If you can take care of business as an incredible gift you can give your spouse, that might help you start to do it. On a positive note, I'm still alive, and doing well with a minimum of treatment. I do have a palliative care doctor, and as I was a hospice volunteer I plan to go into hospice when needed. Anyway, thinking of you and your situation. I've had to let go of worrying about my family should I die. I'm seeing more and more that they are all strong and also united with each other. Please enjoy the things you can, including memories and connections. I appreciate your honesty.
@colleenyoung
Thank you for listing out the when and what questions .After the initial shock of Stage 3B CRC diagnosis the first thing I did was to talk about my end of life decisions with my husband and a very close friend as I was making treatment plans.
I could get time,as it was 28 days of Preop concurrent chemo and RT and 10 weeks break before surgery. More than The staging of the cancer ,my oncologist said the kind of cancer decides about the outcome and how you respond to it is something you have to wait and see.
All said and done,I made sure all the matters were settled before I went for surgery. It was easy to sign Do not resuscitate ,and sign body donation papers when I was in a stable mind.The initial shock is followed by acceptance.Then came the practical things to do,so that it is easy for the family and friends.Ultimately surrendering to HIM has given me all the peace.
Enduring is the next challenge and hope to be strong till the end
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@colleenyoung this is an important post, questions people shy away from but really are on our minds….when i was first diagnosed, my tumor grew very fast during that initial testing period, and I had no idea what would happen…so I saw my lawyer, had papers drawn up and did planning with the banks , so my family wouldn’t be left in the dark…my closest family member was very helpful…turned out, I’m almost 1 year NED…grateful for that, and glad these things got done. Best to all.