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Lost my mask
Lost my social abilities and understandings during covid isolation, while traumatized the whole time by a powertripping roof banger in the upstairs apartment day and night.
I was able to build my mask during Grade School. It served me well all my life. Thought I was just an odd person, able to get along with almost anyone.
Now my apt. block ignores me, my church tolerates my presence, my "minister" can't stand me, those i as in with before can't bebothered with me, my ride to church and back tells me others argue with him that i am a waste of time, my dying last family, my sister, can no longer be bothered with me, my doctor and psychiatrist dislike me.
I haven't one friend to talk w i t h , not just at or from.
I am fighting to stay alive.
I have never in life lived alone before but had to since 2019, and it is driving me crazy. No longer knowing what to say or do with anyone, all consider me weird and useless.
I've never existed like this before in life and,don't want to, but must. How, please, do other unmasked autistics survive, and what should i do to stay sane please!
Thank 💕 you all, xpax
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Xpax,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I too had a breakdown during Covid. My anxiety raged and, unfortunately, so did I. I lost family and friends. I found a therapist that helped me understand myself and what masking had done to me. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADHD moderate-combined, gender dysphoria, and autism. I had always had these but had learned to mask. My youth was a mess, but by 37 I was able to go back to college and start building a successful life… until it all fell apart during Covid.
I changed my health care team and found a primary care physician who listened and cared. I kept up with therapy, changing therapists when the one I was seeing had appeared to run out of tools.
I am back to being successful and am happier than I have ever been. I have been rebuilding relationships and have new and supportive found family. It took years of care and effort to get here.
I wish the same for you. If your doctor or therapist aren’t cutting it, find another.
But most of all, hang in there. I can promise you that everything changes over time, even things you think never will. All you need to do is keep opening doors and walking through them. Some will be dark; others will be bright. Hang on to the bright ones.
There are a lot of people in this world who really do care.
-Clara ❤️
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