@pamela78 , navigating through dementia caregiving is challenging. It progresses at different rates, so the level of care someone requires changes. Does he have supervised care where he is? Is there anyone to alert you if he tries to leave? Does he have the means to leave? Since he’s talking about visiting home, I’d explore those issues and address them. Longterm, an independent living situation usually isn’t feasible. My cousin went from regular assisted living to a Secure Memory Care pretty quickly. I can’t recall any positive posts reports about taking family members back to the home. There are many risks….them getting disoriented, confused, agitated and even refusing to return to the facility. If that happens it’s a huge problem.

People with dementia may make all kinds of statements. Some true, some based on some truth and some completely false. Not letting the statements distract you is key. The top priority is having them in an environment of protection and care. Their claim on the home does not change that. Because reasoning, judgement and processing information is often missing, getting them to understand and accept an explanation is often impossible. So, regardless of what you say….will it placate him? Are there words that will acknowledge his feelings yet keep him from acting out? Complimenting him on what a good provider he was, thanking him for his hard work, etc. But, delaying any plans for visits. For a short while my dad thought people were stealing from him. They weren’t, but after he could not be convinced otherwise, I promised, I would get video cameras installed to catch them. And, any missing funds would be returned by insurance. Dealing with what works in the moment was the best we could do. Eventually, it’s forgotten. Consoling, distracting, staying positive…….

I always recommend a legal consult to find out your rights and responsibilities for marital issues and Estate planning.

Teepa Snow you tube videos may be helpful.

Unfortunately, with dementia progressing….there doesn’t seem to be a way to address an issue and things become ok. There are usually daily issues, problem behaviors, agitation, etc. Even with meds there seems to be issues. Often, keeping a person with this condition happy and content isn’t possible, even with meds, based on my experiences. Please take breaks. It will impact your health too. Please take care.