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No erection after 5 years after radical prostatectomy
Prostate Cancer | Last Active: Feb 17 10:48am | Replies (47)Comment receiving replies
Are there conversation threads here written by those of us that are permanently impotent due to our prostatectomies? I am not looking for advice on implants or Trimix injections. I can perform with Trimix but it is very challenging to get to the finish line. I am looking for threads about how you are mentally handling this ED. I think about it every day as I continue to use a VED in the evenings to keep blood flowing into my penis. I think about it every time the guys at golf crack a "boner" joke. I am not in a depression but knowing I will never have a natural erection again is sobering. It may be serendipity because, due to her own biology issues, sex was becoming more and more painful for my wife prior to my prostatectomy 3 years ago. She might be relieved because we make love far less now. She is not craving sex. So let me know what goes on inside your head, not your genitals, if you had damaged nerves that never healed like mine didn't.
Replies to "Are there conversation threads here written by those of us that are permanently impotent due to..."
@tomf I had lots of conflicting thoughts and much frustration. Something that was always effortless and could ALWAYS be counted on was now suddenly and irrevocably gone…still is almost 7 yrs post surgery and salvage radiation.
But now in my early 70’s and my wife very close behind, sex is not as present in our lives as it once was; don’t really know if natural aging would have done that anyway, but the cancer certainly robbed us of years of sexual enjoyment.
My advice, FWIW, is that if there is a ‘non natural’ (pills, injection) way for you to achieve an erection, don’t think twice - DO IT.
Your old sexual self is gone ( thru no fault of your own) so it’s time to embrace the new you. Just look at it like high blood pressure meds and statins - sometimes no matter how much we diet and exercise, we still need help. This is no different. Best,
Phil
@tomf As I read your comments I felt as if I wrote it . I’m shy of 2 yrs since treatment and nothing is working for me I’ve given up on injections not working for me and I wanted implants but too risky if I can have the pleasure of an orgasm. I wake up each morning semi depressed looking at my attractive 67 year old wife and I’m 79 . We use to have sex 3 times a week but she would have been happy with once a week, maybe I’m being punished for being greedy and expecting too much from her since sex for her is no longer important. I shop, cook and do dishes every day for 40 yrs and ran a successful business for 50 yrs leaving the house at 4:30 every morning. I felt I deserved 15 minutes of pleasure 3 times a week and almost considered separation when a few years ago she implied once a week was it but fortunately we worked that out . The thought of never making love to a person you love for so long gives me great sadness. We hug and kiss each morning and night but it’s not the same . Wish I got got another type of illness but this one will hurt forever. Good luck to you and others missing an important part of your past life .
@tomf There is major fundamental physical and emotional loss involved in first losing ejaculation, then the ability to naturally get an erection, and finally losing your testosterone and becoming a menopausal woman. It takes a lot of courage to weather this, especially when low testosterone causes depression to start with. Having an understanding and supportive partner, gratitude, exercise and meditation have helped me immeasurably. Grieve the loss, but enjoy what you do have to the fullest.
@tomf
I had an RP in 10/21 and have not had a natural erection since (use Trimix). Although my wife and I were having some marital problems prior to that but the disruption to our sex life (I also have some incontinence and climaturia) worsened out relationship leading to divorce. I have loved sex my entire life and the knowledge I will never have a spontaneous erection again was difficult to accept. I am now in a committed, loving relationship with a very understanding woman and the sex is once again great. She has told me to get out of my head. That I am lucky to be alive and that the lack of erections without Trimix doesn't matter to her at all.
So, for me, the sadness I experienced over the SE of the cancer was partially dependent on the interaction with my partner. I have pretty much come to grips with my sexual limitations. I read a short book by an Australian PT male therapist about post prostatectomy issues. It was very straightforward. I remember the part when he was saying you would no longer ejaculate after RP. He said something to the effect of "have a good cry or bit of anger and now get over it; it's your new reality". I have tried not to dwell on what I have lost but what I still have.Good luck to you.
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@tomf
My husband is 63 and will be having internal radiation in January for his prostate cancer. We were going to have the removal but after we talk to a radiologist the side effects we're going to be a lot different so we are now choosing radiation the internal radiation which is two sessions and it's all done. The effects will come 5 to 10 years down the road which he'll then be in his '70s and we'll have a different mindset by then.