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Blaming and anger: How do you deal with it?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Jan 31 8:00pm | Replies (87)Comment receiving replies
@lueverson , It is imperative to get help for yourself. Professionals can best determine what treatment you need. I will add that I understand the frustration of dealing with a person who has dementia and who is uncivil towards you in the home.
You describe your husband’s cognitive decline as mild……please get a legal consultation to learn your rights and responsibilities. As your husband’s condition progresses, it will only get more frustrating and demanding. After what I have experienced with caregiving family members who have dementia in the home……I highly encourage lots of outside help or placement in a facility if that level of care is warranted.
Most people can’t imagine this care 24/7. Even for someone who doesn’t have depression, it’s overwhelming. Please protect your own health.
I’ll also add that the prospect of getting a loved one to admit they have dementia isn’t a big help. It seems like it would help, but not really. Even if they do admit it, the’ll forget. Because the reasoning is off, they can’t process how the disease is affecting them. The inability to recognize their condition is quite common. And even if they do, it’s momentary.
It sounds like his doctor may not have experience treating dementia patients. There are ways to handle it.
So, I would certainly get legal advice to get advice on estate planning and your marital rights. Best wishes with everything.
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@celia16 My husband is in a senior facility where he's independent but gets lots of care. He's always been very loving toward me and even with dementia he's been really appreciative of me in general, even bragging about me to nurses and doctors. But recently he's been agitating for a return home (he's always done that but it's more heated now) and I'm afraid to do that for several reasons, one being my own nervousness. Now he's insisting that he owns the house, that he's the one who paid for it (he did contribute the lion's share to our 26 yr. marriage) and I feel guilty because I also feel very grateful and beholden to him. I've done everything I can since he had a bad fall in August to get him to where he is today and I'm exhausted, to say the least. It's hurtful to hear him say it's his house or that I've thrown him out. He's where he needs to be and it's a very good place. Since August, I've visited him every day but three. I pulled out all the stops to make his apartment a pleasant place to be, bought him a terrific new TV and do a whole lot of other stuff too. I don't know what to say when he starts in on how he owns the house because he paid for it and asks me how much I contributed to the down payment 23 years ago. Any suggestions for how to handle this or think about it my self would be appreciated.