Thank you for writing this. I noticed my husband's occasional lapses in memory in 2001. He has an advanced degree, is very bright, and he read a lot so the events were separated by several months. In the last 5 years I have watched my husband completely change. His mood can change in a second from being funny and silly to being mad and mean. He can go silent and pensive for an entire day. I have stopped asking what is wrong because he does not make any sense and often will say "well, you, you just" and that is all he will say. He tells me I have said things that I would never say because it makes no sense, but he insists that I have said it. I have always cooked as we did not like to eat out, but now he likes nothing I cook. A beef tenderloin is too tough (not) or he says he has never liked beef brisket when that has been one of his favorites. After he has had one of his silent days from anger, he will tell me he loves me several times but I have to say that a large part of the time I feel like he just does not like me. We are having our 56th wedding anniversary this week although he has talked about I know that he does not really understand. He is in total denial and has refused to go to the doctor until I finally forced him. He just had an appt. at the VA doctor and he was furious about it. He didn't speak to me the rest of the day. The following day he was happy and singing and today was a moody silent one brought on by my asking him to close the garage door.
People do not understand until they have been through this and I am not at the worst part yet.
We have had a great marriage and we have great kids and grandkids.
All I do is second guess my behavior and feel like I am not handling anything correctly.
You are lonely for normal conversation. You are in pain for your spouse. I have a difficult time sleeping and I have reached the point where I don't feel like I can leave him along for even 30 minutes to run to the store.
Anyway, thank you for your entry. I needed to see that others are in the same situation and having many of the same feelings I am having. Thank you again.