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Feeling overwhelmed, depressed, hard time figuring out next steps
Cancer | Last Active: Dec 21, 2025 | Replies (18)Comment receiving replies
@anon0 That's really rough. These days, when there are just a few metastases, they often distinguish it as "oligometastatic" (literally, few metastases), and treat the cancer aggressively as if it can be cured, especially if the metastasis is to the bones (the jury's still out on whether a cure is possible, but they're at least seeing much-longer progression-free survival and better quality of life).
So if they gave you radiation to the metastasis on your pelvic bone, that's likely why. 5 or 10 years ago they would have just assumed the cancer was terminal when it metastasised, and focus on keeping you comfortable. Now, you have a choice, and a chance.
However, fighting oligometastatic cancer aggressively should be a patient choice, not something that just happens to you, because it can come with some tough side-effects. I was only 57, so I told them I wanted to fight, and my radiation oncologist promised to "throw the kitchen sink" at the cancer. I've had to deal with some tough side-effects, but I don't mind, because the treatments have given me my life back — next month I'll meet my first grandchild, something I never thought I'd live to see.
But not everyone wants to go through all this, especially if they're elderly or already have other serious illnesses. Your medical team should have explained the pros and cons of both paths to you and given you time to ask questions and decide what you wanted. If that didn't happen, that's unfair, and I'm so sorry.
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@northoftheborder
Thank you for all the information. I didn’t know that! Did your side effects improve from the radiation? Or is it all the physical work that you have put into getting better? I try to walk better or do some of the physical therapy exercises. However, it doesn’t seem like it improves. It seems like it gets worse. And then I get very down like I’m in the same loop every day and can barely help myself even if I want to.
It sounds like my doctors back home were following the older method. They told me not to have surgery on my breast and to have only 1 radiation treatment. They said wait on the heavy duty chemo until there are no other options. I did take a lighter version of chemo which was still tiring but I could manage and didn’t lose my hair.
When I came here they said do the heavy chemo for life, over 15 radiation treatments plus cyber knife, bone strengthening infusion treatments and I’m sure they were going to suggest the works of medications. After the radiation and bone treatments I felt so sick. Actually my doctor back home told me that they don’t recommend the bone treatments for me either.
I haven’t been back there in well over a year. I was in so much pain, couldn’t walk and didn’t know how I could get myself to my appointments or walk to the the building manage it all on my own. After the damage was revealed from my radiation treatments the radiation department cut me off and told me to talk to my oncologist about everything. The radiation doctor said he was surprised that my hip joint had been damaged because it doesn’t usually reach that area. That’s all I heard but never got any suggestions on what to do about it. I went to an orthopedic surgeon who said they were supposed to refer me to him first before doing any radiation. I had to ask for a physical therapist. They never mentioned it. Several months ago I requested a surgery referral for my breast. They say I need a referral to speak to any breast surgeon. But never heard back from them for the referral. I thought perhaps they sent me a letter but I checked all my letters. I got nothing. I really don’t feel comfortable with this cancer center.
Anyway, thank you for letting me get that off my mind. It’s the first time I’ve really talked about it.