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How do you change the perception of aging?
Aging Well | Last Active: Jan 5 10:21am | Replies (151)Comment receiving replies
@edsutton I use to be more understanding and grateful and ignoring , but I feel as I age, it feels more disrespectful. At 80 I can still do a lot and don't like being stereotyped into a disabled and demented old lady. Recently a doctor asked how I do grocery shopping, at first I didn't understand the question. Then I told him I go to the store, pick out my items and bring them home, again it seemed he was putting me in a stereotype of unable to do things the way almost everyone does, just because I'm 80 (sure during pandemic when I thought I had covid, I ordered online and had groceries delivered). My uncle used to grocery shop when he was 95. I have now changed my attitude and want respect I should be getting.
Replies to "@edsutton I use to be more understanding and grateful and ignoring , but I feel as..."
@1995victoria of course, we all want respect—but one way of living longer is that we can free ourselves of worrying about what other people think of us so much…
@1995victoria
I was with a new group of people yesterday. They are all younger than I; I'm 85 and I use a cane. As we got up to leave, one of the women offered assistance. I found that unusual, I was not offended. I said that I was fine, and everyone gathered their things and we all left. I was a bit slower, and one person stayed to walk out with me. I found it all very gracious, but never before has someone offered me assistance when all I needed to do was stand up, gather my purse and cane, and walk out the door.
@1995victoria I’m sorry you feel disrespected and upset by these questions. You’ve received so many wonderful responses which hopefully will help you to look at the questions in a different light and without feeling upset.
I’m currently in remission from stage 4 cancer. I too had those types of questions from my GP while undergoing treatment at 58 years old. It was easier to appreciate they were intended to identify any functional issues I might be having so we could address them. She still asks similar questions 4 years later. She’s an excellent GP. She’s just referred me to have heart tests because my smartwatch is showing some potentially concerning data. Her various questions around how I’m doing prompted me to mention the data instead of assuming something was wrong with the watch. She also found my cancer in 2021.
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@1995victoria The questions about daily activities by your doctor are NOT meant to be disrespectful, it is their way of subtly asking "how are you doing" and is one of a series of questions providers may use to get a full picture of your capabilities.
On one visit you may be asked about grocery shopping, on another about laundry, house cleaning, transportation, bill paying, etc. Over time, if your answers change, it gives an indication of whether your abilities are stable or declining. This is not ageist or discriminatory - our capacity does change as we age, and it is the provider's job to monitor this as part of your general health.
Maybe, if you are asked similar questions in the future, you could view it in this light, and politely ask "Why are you asking me this question?" The answer might surprise you.
By the way, if you are on Medicare and choose a new primary provider, you may be asked to complete a questionnaire with all of the above questions and more so they can get to know you. You may also have to answer a similar list of questions if you are hospitalized for illness or surgery before they release you.
There are plenty of things in this world to be indignant about - being offered help need not be one of them...