@susan38
Yes, It is like journaling, sharing this way. You write well and fluidly so I get a strong sense of what you are going through. But you don't complain, really, with all that horrible stuff going on, and yet it must be wrenching, lonely for a solo sort, and take a lot out of you just to make it through each day.
A friend of mine survived pancreatic cancer, endured lots of horrors with chemo, and tells me that he got through just one day at a time. Also he said he tried to look forward to the next phase, this one over, the next ahead.
For you that may be December 20.
I am sorry to hear that you are suffering so much and that there's worse coming.
Like you, I am drinking peppermint tea.
Stay strong if you can, hang on for what may be better later.
Marcia