@shayes914, I can imagine that you are surprised and hurt by your wife's response and her expectations. Sometimes the people who are closest to us react in unexpected ways when we become sick, especially with something scary and unknown to them like cancer. It sounds like she is scared for the future.

Naturally, all the medical appointments, treatment and decision making are focused on the patient. Perhaps she feels that she was not consulted or asked her opinion. She may feel this way even if she was involved. Her reaction may not be coming from a rational place, but rather from fear. And perhaps she feels 3 weeks after surgery she can start thinking "What about me?"

Is being worried about herself a new behavior for her? Have you considered going to see an oncology social worker together to talk about the future, including sex and intimacy?