also the temperament of the adult child matters....I think...my relationship with my daughter is like walking on egg shells...since she was a preteen to her age of 30 now...she is a busy professional living on the west coast....when she gets stressed it seems I am her easy target for verbal harshness.....meaning if I say something she does not agree with, an opinion, she is quick to patronize me, insult me...however when she is happy with her life she is very kind...

i think the type of relationship matters...even if my daughter buys her big beautiful home, her dream, and has small place for me, I still would not relocate to be near her....now at age 60 I can deal with her personality by ignoring, deflecting, remaining silent, and going on with my life on the east coast...but as an old lady, that will be too stressful and I worry when I need her the most she may be unkind to me for whatever reason

but my son, who lives an hour away, is not as financially savvy as my daughter, will not be proactive in checking in on me, BUT, he is and always has been very kind to me, to date...if I ask for help, he is mature enough to be there for me, as he was when I had surgery last year...he made the time and his fiance is a joy, kind soul, who calls me mom already....so I will continue to live in my retirement community near my son, because even though he is an hour away, he will be kind and help me when I ask..hopefully he will see when he needs to be proactive too...I would easily move to an apartment to be near him and his fiance if I needed to make it easier on my son with his family obligations...so kindness matters