Thank you all for your encouragement, it means the workd to me. Unfortunately, family is not an option to lean on at this time due to strained / toxic relationships, disrespect of my boundaries, and insensitivity of my needs. I do, however, have a few friends who I can probably lean into, although I feel myself just wanting to shut everyone out atm bc of so many hurts. I'm trying to find healthy outlets to release this trapped energy bc I already have enough pent up inside my body and don't need anymore. If I could just get away for awhile, that would be nice. I despise holidays.