@nannybb @jessie1990

A fellow pancreatic cancer patient asked a while back what it was like having pancreatic cancer, how does someone deal with the side effects of chemo, and how does someone live with it? This was my response. I hope there is something in there that might help.

It really, really, really, really sux. Welcome to your new "normal". For me, I had to acknowledge that, but I sure as heck wasn't going to accept it. I was diagnosed with a PNET that spread primarily to my liver and some other places in 8/22. I had lost over 100lbs and had been progressively getting sicker for years. My Mayo team only presented CAPTEM as a solution. I had to deal with ascites and cachexia first, I still don't know how to pronounce them, prior to starting chemo. A few weeks later, I started my first cycle on 9/1/22. I learned a new version of sick. I know your side effects, and a few others, quite well. I had to change my mindset to survive and hopefully thrive at life again. I focused on the following:

1. Separate myself from the disease. It isn't personal. Study it. Learn about it. Pretend someone else has it. It was easier for me to be objective with my cancer and my treatment, all of the good and bad, if it wasn't about me. It was about someone else. I wanted to become that person's best cheerleader, but I couldn't do that without learning about NETs. I ultimately became my own best cheerleader and advocate.

2. Make each second the best that I can. If I can string some good seconds together, I might be able to make a few good minutes possible. Next, try to string a few minutes together. Then, shoot for a few hours with the idea that hours become days. Days become weeks. Weeks become months and so on and so on. The idea of making good seconds really helped me focus on the moment.

3. Find a way to cope. Emotionally, it is ok to be a mess. Cancer is terrifying. The first few times I cried, my wife asked me what was wrong. I told her I was scared. She asked what she could do to help. I responded that I didn't know. That was an honest answer. I then cried alone a lot. I didn't want to her, or other loved ones who want to "fix" me, to worry. Crying really helped. It allowed me to get out all of the negative energy, so I could let the positive energy in.

4. Help others. No matter how bad I have it, someone always has it worse. Go read to kids in the cancer ward of a hospital. That impact will be profound. I was diagnosed at 56. I got to live 56 years before learning that I had cancer. For some of theses kids, cancer is all they know. ALL THEY KNOW!!! Imagine their pain and fear. I am supposed to be an adult, and I can't handle it. How can they be so strong and calm, when I am a terrified blubbering mess? I found great strength in that. If they can do it, so can I. I made the choice to be like them.

Acknowledge my plight, but I am not going to accept it. Make each second the best that I can even if it sux. Be human. Laugh, cry, and feel every emotion in between. It is ok. And be thankful for what you have. Others have it worse.

After 13 cycles of CAPTEM, my tumors shrunk. My pancreas and liver now functioned. I have been on continuous maintenance capecitabine since. My PET scans on 11/27/24 came back with no growth. Everything is still stable. I feel very lucky, but I worked very hard for that luck. I also have had lots and lots of help. I wouldn't be alive without it. Thank you to everyone that has helped me save my life.