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‘Just Put Her in a Home,' They Say
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Nov 13, 2025 | Replies (34)Comment receiving replies
Your story is also my story, exactly. I am so miserable, I wake up every day wondering how I will survive the day. I feel I have no options. If I put my husband in a home, I am just trading one hell for another, snd spending a ton of money. My kids are not very supportive and don’t offer much but criticism. My husband was the love of my life and we had a wonderful life together. I am so thankful for that. But now he is aggressive, angry, uncooperative and abusive. I am finding it hard to remember the man he use to be. He has not been able to take any of the drugs, he tried about 6, for agitation. They magnified the agitation to the point I thought I was going to have to Baker Act him. Now he is taking medical marijuana, which has not solved the problem but taken the edge off. Last night I got almost no sleep because I was up cleaning up urine off the floor and and my loveseat. That’s the second time he’s gone on my furniture. He wears a diaper, but will not go in it.
He’s suppose to be in the final stages of vascular dementia, but he is very healthy, so I do not know. I spend all day cleaning up behind him, he is in constant delusion and constantly looking for his wife. I told him the other day I was his wife and he laughed and said “I don’t think so.” I cry a lot. This is not how I expected my life to go.
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@msbjean53 My husband & I were going through the same thing you and your husband are. It was terrifying.
His aggression and agitation were out of control especially afternoons and nights. He also didn’t know who I was and wanted me to leave. We would look at photos, and he would tell me, “That’s Trisha, but YOU ARE NOT TRISHA”!
His doctors were trying to help with different medications, but it just wasn’t enough and there were so many side effects that he was unable to verbalize how he was feeling. Sometimes, it made an awful situation worse.
Medical marijuana is legal in our state and early one Sunday morning I went to a dispensary. They were so helpful with what they gave me and how much to start giving him. I have slowly increased the original amount a little at a time and now feel I have the proper dose. I either dissolve the calming gummy in his coffee or cut up the gummy into small pieces and give it to him in a small bowl of mixed nuts (I call it trail mix) in the early afternoon. He often refuses to take pills or spits them out after holding them in his mouth for a short time.
It doesn’t make him high, and it doesn’t seem to have any side effects, it just takes the edge off, and he is calmer and happier.
It’s far from perfect; there are still lots of ups and downs and awful times, but it helps more than anything else has. He was diagnosed in 2012, so we’ve been dealing with this horrible disease for a long time.
I also will add I have the blessings and interest of his doctors at Mayo Clinic.