@ginnysnow Let me be clear, I have not faced the struggles you are facing today. However, I have been at the precipice you mention, and that causes me to reach out. I highly recommend to seek out the services of a therapist who works with us in the LGBTQIA+ community. Even better would be one with WPATH credentials. I urge you to get on line and find one. You can do all of it via zoom (my therapist lives 200 miles from me). Many offer reduced rates or "scholarships" where money is an issue. Do you have a counselor at school you can trust? They may have access to health providers in your area. The bottom line, you need to be in a dialog with someone who understands. Trying to deal with this yourself is not a great option. Good luck, dear.