Having a tough day today (trigger warning)

@jc76 May I ask what prescription you are on?

Scottbeammeup, the mental side effects of ADT therapy can be very real and they can sneak up on you when you think you are actually handling life well. I have been on Lupron for 10 months with another 14 to go. I had told my Radiation Oncologist the last time I saw him that I felt like I was going to a very dark place. He did not prescribe anything. My wife and I ended up in marriage counseling as I could not see that I was the problem, I was convinced she was looking to get rid of me. Even during counseling I thought I was being ganged up on. The counselor suggested I contact my RO again. This time I was put on Celexa. Just before the two week mark of taking it, my brain cleared up and I could see that I had been the cause of the problems. My wife wasn’t trying to get rid of me, she was trying to save our marriage. The good news is that the Celexa and counseling were successful. I am staying on counseling individually for now as the guilt I feel for what I put her and my family through is overwhelming. I thought my hot flashes were bad but they are nothing compared to the depression I had dropped into. The crazy thing was I didn’t know I was getting as bad as I was. It was such a gradual fall. So take care of yourself my friend and continue on counseling if you need it. Counseling saved my marriage and maybe my life!

@dlparcel
Of course: Escitalopram 10 mg

For me it has really helped. I had a lot of stress recently being a care giver for my wife and could feel it. I met with my specialist and she said we could up the mg to 15mg. I decide not to up it but focus on trying to make my water aerobics and keep up my exercise routine which I had been ignoring. That worked and did not need to increase it.

@jc76 thank you

@sbassmeister
I think your post is excellent that we address our mental health just as much as our physical health. Both have dramatic effects on each other.

We go to doctors for our physical health and should not hesitate to go to mental health professionals as well. Your post reflects just how important that is and you gave an excellent personal expeience.

@jc76 This is an excellent point. I'd never had bad depression so after a few months on ADT I thought all the very negative thoughts and feelings were my "new normal." It's hard to describe but at one point I felt I was a passive observer to my own life while my doppelgänger walked around telling people he was fine.

Fortunately, I found a good counselor and the combo of medication and counseling helped. I didn't instantly become hyper-cheerful but the clouds parted enough so I could see reality and break out of the doom loop in my head.

@scottbeammeup wrote ❝It's hard to describe but at one point I felt I was a passive observer to my own life while my doppelgänger walked around telling people he was fine.❞

That sounds rough.

I think the feeling that you're standing outside yourself watching is called "disassociation," and is common among trauma survivors.

I am sorry for your loss, especially such a trusted friend and confidant who encouraged you so well. But please don't feel guilty. Your therapist will share some version of the following: "You" were not responsible for 'recognizing' , and therefore 'intervening' in your friend's emotional/behavioral challenges. We are not trained therapists, and the average human being is not equipped to go to the necessary depth of questions and analysis to reveal such challenges." It is a very sad consequence of suicide...one that we hear as the predominate reaction: "we never knew they were hurting and challenged to the extent that they felt the only way out was suicide." Granted, there could have been a biochemical reason related to any particular medicine(s) he had taken, but it is the classic response - especially from men who are culturally conditioned not to share the depth of their emotions - to "go it alone"...to "suffer in silence", and only be semi-glad that they survived another day, when their pain is in fact, crushing and overwhelming.
Men don't reach out, even to their wives. I can only imagine the tragedy of emotions that his wife will feel for the rest of her life in wondering/doubting/asking "why didn't I see this?" Or..."why didn't I do something when I knew he was hurting so badly?" She will need therapy and support for quite a while, as will any children that he may have had.
There are no answers...people will often punish themselves for not recognizing and/or doing what they could to help, but again...we're not trained therapists, and the subject is so sensitive, that even when approached in a loving way ("I see your hurting...how can I help you...what can I say or do that will help begin your healing?"), it is just too hard for most people. So please be easy on yourself. His wife, nor any other of his close family and friends are responsible for this happening. You yourself, will come to a place of healing and forgiving yourself after realizing that there is nothing you could have done. You can't begin to heal what you see that appears to be secure, stable, and unbroken. Talk to God...say a prayer and give your pain and grief to Him. He will bring you the peace, as well as the life-lesson, that was meant for "you" from this tragic loss. Be that same friend for his grieving widow and any children. They need support now. God bless you.

North,

Excellent response.