@jeanstewart Leslie, of course, you're welcome here. May I suggest that you discuss your home situation with being a caregiver for a terminally ill family member with your surgeon's team? This is a lot to try to handle this and also go through spine surgery. All of that can affect how well you recover. To heal, you need to be able to rest, and you'll be exhausted because your body is trying to heal. You also will have limits of what you are allowed to do physically and will not be able to lift much weight. My limit started at 10 pounds and was increased gradually over several months. The limit will be increased as you are healing. Can you get help from another care giver? Would you consider delaying your surgery if that is possible? Right now, you are being pulled in different directions. Patients often need someone to help them remember what the doctor advises during an appointment because it can be stressful and it is easy to feel like a deer in the headlights. I was fearful too, and I worked at overcoming my fear. I spent a lot of time on that.

What are the questions that you need answered by your surgeon? It may help to write down a list. They may not realize what you are going through. I hope you can find some time to clear your mind and listen to some calming music.

When I was in need of spine surgery, I was taking care if my dad at end stage heart disease and having to live at my parents' house. I had seen 5 surgeons over 2 years, and they kept missing the correct diagnosis. A month after my dad passed, I got a call from Mayo that they had accepted me as a patient. Those were the hardest 2 years. This was a completely different experience, and for the first time, I was not overly anxious meeting the next surgeon. I did a lot of self-help work, and I was ready to face surgery.

Please ask for what you need to get through all of this. Do you have other family, relatives or members of a church that you can reach out to for help? I know that this a very hard place to be.