@rozy288 I'm so sorry to hear what a rough time you're having. Have you tried grief counseling? Losing your husband is a terrible trauma and that alone is difficult and you have to deal with health issues, too. I'm not sure what's available in your area, but Hospice could probably recommend someone or a group.
If you're considering self harm, tell your therapist. Sometimes inpatient stays help to get your meds adjusted to help you . This is just a thought since you sound very stressed and depressed. Disclaimer-no expertise in mental health, but your MH professionals should know how bad you're feeling.
Hugs to you.