I traveled by air with my husband with dementia until he had two strokes and I couldn’t manage the physical requirements anymore.
Here’s what helped me-
When buying the tickets on the airline’s website, click on the Special Assistance tab and then the cognitive disabilities tab. That alerts the airline staff and makes you both eligible for early boarding. My husband would get a little agitated if he felt “hemmed in” so I would buy the tickets as early as possible to get seats toward the front and to choose aisle seats for both of us, across from each other. I could easily chat with him, but be ready for whatever just in case. In a smaller plane with two seats across, we would sit together with me in the aisle.
This is important (you’ll see why later), print out the itinerary and write on it your name, address, and cell number, his name, the name, address, and cell numbers of who you are visiting. Show him it, fold it up and have him put it in his jacket pocket. A family emergency occurred when I was out-of-state, I made the plane arrangements, signed him up to be met at each airport gate, brought to baggage claim to be met by a car service. My brother printed out and wrote up everything and walked him to the TSA station. He was met at the next airport gate and delivered to the connecting gate. The plane arrived in Boston early, he was not met at the arrival gate, and off he walked. A frantic two hours later, multiple calls with the car service begging them not to leave, I received a call from a kind person at a taxi podium in a completely different terminal building. He had shown her the folded papers. She kept him with her, the car service drove over, and then to the family member’s house. I was able to get there a few days later and we returned together.
Look to see if the airline has curbside check-in. This is a godsend- you get dropped off at the curbside podium, buzz across the sidewalk, the agent checks in your bags, gives you the boarding passes, and off you go. There is a small fee, which must be paid with a credit card, but it’s really worth it not having to wait in a long line or use the kiosks in a big crowded area. Bring a few dollars for a tip.
I would buy ahead at our grocery store a 4-pack of Starbucks $10 gift cards to have ready as a “thank-you” if we needed help from someone for something. All airports have Starbucks and people really appreciated them.
In the airport, when I needed to use the restroom, I’d nonchalantly place the carry-on bags in front of him and place my book bag on his lap, saying, “I’m going to the ladies room, you’re in charge!” We’d laugh and I’d move quick. I figured he’d have to extend effort to move the carry-ons and holding my bag on his lap would be a comfortable weight and visible reminder that I’m coming back, he’s not lost or alone. When he had to use the restroom, I’d wait by the exit door and figured if time went on too long, I’d ask someone to check on him, but that never happened.
On the plane, we never had a problem. At baggage claim, I’d have him sit on a bench where he’d be away from the crowd and I’d position myself so I could see the belt and see him. With the carry-ons in front of him, the bag on his lap, and me smiling and thumbs-upping, he was fine sitting and waiting.
If being met at the airport, the people coming should come early and wait in the Cellphone lot. Using the app FlightAware, they’ll know exactly when your plane will land. When not being met, I paid the extra money for a car service. I figured doing a car rental would be a lot of extra stress on me and him, when we were both tired from the journey. To find one, I just googled and went with who had the best reviews.
When visiting, I found my husband needed a lot of extra sleep- long naps and early to bed. I did my best to make sure we were both well-hydrated, ate usual food at usual times, and got enough rest. If staying with family, make a card for his wallet with their name, address, and phone numbers in case he leaves the house or wanders away in the park. I’ve read that attaching an Apple Tag to the person’s shoe or belt could be a good idea. My husband would get interested in something and head in that direction, so it was important to keep an eye on him when out and about. It can be difficult for family members to understand that.
Hope this is helpful, keep traveling as long as you can together or by yourself if your budget and future circumstances allow. Most assistive livings will take short term “respite” admissions for caregiving families to take a 1-2 week vacation- just call and ask. Posting a big wall calendar with the dates marked in red for the trip start and the return date will help reassure the person that this change isn’t permanent.