@meka, this is the perfect place to vent and yes, your message remains posted. This is exactly what Connect is for. Cancer sucks and sometimes we just have to say it. It is also a place to get and give support, find hope and take small steps to cope better. I love the advice you got from @sakota and @merpreb. I can see that you have held on to their virtual hands and gathered strength from them. One day at a time.