@mrmj You asked for opinions, so I will give you mine.
She needs to stay where she is for her own good. Of course she wants to go back to the life she had, we all would like to do that, me included. But, longing for our past keeps us from moving forward.

Mom is 86, her physical health isn’t perfect. Difficult question, how much longer do you think she will be able to function as she is now. At her age, people tend to go “downhill” fast especially if she were to fall and break a hip. Using a walker with only 1 “good” hand sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

It sounds to me, based upon what you wrote, that the house seems to be a large part of your decision. I can sympathize. I am trying to decide what to do, not with a mother, but with myself. I’m 76, my health isn’t perfect, and keeping up with the house is getting too much for me. I am trying to decide if and when I will sell my house and my stuff and move into Independent Living.
Things are just that, things. We can’t let our lives be controlled by things.

Anyway, I do understand, and your wish to have the house with your mother back in it is normal. However, is it really safe for her? Would you and the family worry about her all the time? I would sit and think long and hard about her safety.

Blessings

@mrmj Has this family member done full-time 24/7/365 care of your Mom or another person? Do they have the knowledge to recognize when a medical situation is urgent (a UTI can become life threatening in a matter of hours)? Do they have the strength and stamina to manage this? Will they work with the rest of the family to assure the best care for Mom, or take over and push the rest of you away? How does the rest of their immediate family feel about this plan? What happens with this bargain purchase if Mom has a crisis or dies before remodeling is finished and never moves in? Will Mom accept the proposed caregiver and her own role as a tenant in the caregiver's home who cannot fire them over a dispute? What about if the caregiver isn't adequate- what happens to Mom?

What I'm saying is - involve a social worker or other elder care expert and an elder care attorney before committing to this arrangement.

@mrmj I feel for your mom and your family. You don’t mention how your mom is doing in the assisted living home she’s in. How is she doing? Personally I would be happy extremely hesitant moving her from there unless she’s being abused or neglected. I can’t see any benefit to your mom in moving. Moving her out of her home would have been extremely hard for her but she survived it. Moving her again back into the home is fraught with legal and health issues. I would not do it. My own dad is still in his own massive double story and lives on the ground floor. My niece and fiance (her husband after today) live with him and supervise him. They both work and the rest of us all help fill in and also take him out or stay overnight when needed as they go away. He’s in rude good health and still walks unassisted and cooks for himself. They give him his pills, do his washing, do the gardening, watch that he’s eating properly, make sure the house is safe and he won’t trip, take him out, take him to medical appointments.

We know moving him into care or one of our homes could well kill him. At the moment it suits him, my niece and her partner to live the way they do. His super is running out and his money is tied up in his home (mortgage free). Luckily I have an investment property I can sell to lend to him to keep him in his home until he sells.

Reading your quandary it sounds perhaps sensible to sell her home on the open market to get her as much money as you can so she has funds to help with increasing medical costs and flexibility for her changing needs.

Just my 2 cents! It’s not easy. Far from it.

@mrmj
I had the same problem BUT eventually my Mom got lonely at home and decided she wanted an apartment in assisted living. She loved it, all the activities and most importantly new friends.

@mrmj

You have gotten so many good things to review from the others who have posted. Mom staying in her home could be costly hiring a caregiver. Are you looking at someone you know or from an agency. That outside hiring option depletes savings. Right now, I have a friend who is the oldest of 2 siblings. She by circumstance in life was living with her parents for a decade, so when her mom notably began having issues, she was there to support. Luckily that last job that she had which was at the location 4 days a week ended. Getting support for her mom began last October with friends helping. We all picked up morning or evening shifts. My friend got help from the county and state as time has gone on, but the person to bath mom and do physical therapy has lessened. Her Mom was originally on hospice but recently moved off it. My friend being there and helping with drs to get moms meds in order showed the medication was a good reason why her mom is so much better now. The dementia is not gone, but she is alert and having to hoist Mom into bed is not needed.
My friend needs to work. She has been home a year. Had she have not been in this house, who knows what would have happened. There is a husband, but his own health issues prevent him from helping. That is a reason the mom ended up in such poor condition. Caregivers are used but my friend is there most of the time.
Whomever will decide to be there as Mom stays in the house will need to oversee Mom.