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Listen to our latest episode: 69. Anxiety, panic attacks and putting everyone else first with Julie Chavez
Have you ever felt like you're doing everything for everyone — but losing yourself in the process? Author Julie Chavez joins us to discuss her memoir Everyone But Myself, a candid exploration of anxiety, burnout, and the emotional toll of spreading yourself thin. Along with Dr. Bisi Alli, we unpack the realities many women face when constantly caring for others, the importance of seeking help, and how therapy, medication and self-compassion can lead to healing. This heartfelt conversation is a reminder that prioritizing your own well-being isn’t selfish — it’s essential.
Question for discussion:
- Julie talks about putting everyone else first. Why do you think this pattern is so common among women, especially mothers? What are the risks of constantly prioritizing others?
Share your thoughts, questions and opinions below!
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It's natural to want to care for a loved one who is ill. One does tend to take more care of the ill loved one than themselves because they care so much for them. Women are the Moms. We mother everything. But we also have to remember to take care of us. My husband had lung cancer and I was his sole caregiver for 14 years until he died in 2024. Early on, I realized I was ignoring my health needs in order to give him the extra care he needed. I made a point to make certain we both ate healthy instead of just focusing on his dietary needs. I also made certain that both of our medications were taken properly, on time and up to date. We enjoyed separate things. I loved my computer and my husband loved watching John Wayne movies on TV. So, in the evening, he'd be in the living room watching TV while I was in the other room on my computer. We communicated on commercials. We also prayed together and often told each other how much we loved the other. This balance that we had got us through to the very end without many problems until the very last few months which was to be expected. Due to this balance that we had, I remained healthy enough to care for him until he died.
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2 ReactionsI have cared for so many family and others for so long, Im now 65 and burned out, with my own health issues. and there is no one to help.
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5 ReactionsThis isn't just a women's issue. At 68, with CKD Stage 3b, I am constantly doing household chores, involving myself in issues of concern for my wife and son. Cooking, cleaning, picking things off the floor that have been dropped. Paying bills, doing the finances, grocery shopping, doing laundry, taking care of the yard, cars, taxes, repairing things. The list seems endless. Retirement was supposed to be a way to enjoy life for a while, it is anything but that. My wife has health issues, so far, nothing serious, but limited mobility. My son has developed back issues, works full-time at a low-paying job. I feel like the picture on the book most days.
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3 Reactionsas a carer of family for decades and i still am , I wont get to retire I could not afford it anyway. I get angry when there is so much talk about retirement and superannuation for those with " real jobs " .
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2 Reactions@tisme I hear ya..
I’m 79, had heart attack last December, husband had mild stroke 3 years ago, have 3 grown kids and am still dealing with housework, grocery shopping, keeping track of appointments etc etc. try to do a lot of things to help my husband who is 92..
Not able to do a lot of things I use to but try..I get discouraged often but have to keep going…
Hang in there, you’re not alone ❤️
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