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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 20 hours ago | Replies (405)Comment receiving replies
@tryingtimes10
Oh my gosh. Your post was the first that I read. My husband was diagnosed with MCI in December’24. We have been married 52 years, also. I have been reading through other posts, and we are all going through basically the same thoughts, problems and hitting the same walls. I felt so alone for such a long time before I finally took the big step to convince my husband to see a neurologist. Our three grown children were not on board and made me feel even worse. I have been seeing a therapist for a few years and brought my concerns up to him and wondered to him, what if I am wrong? I doubted myself constantly. I wonder if all of you faced that, the fact that you ‘know’ your spouse, you can look backward in time and see that the ‘other’ IS different. We do deal with sadness, anger and grief. We do miss affection, tenderness, attention and the ‘knowing’ each other and being able to read reactions, privately, in fun or weird situations. Our best friend & confidante is no longer. We do have so much weight on our shoulders with no one to help us with some tough decisions about now and even worse some horrible decisions that come with time.
@kathyduggan said that she waits to announce things, I agree with that. So many times someone will bring up a certain thing and I shudder and think ‘oh! Why did you bring THAT up?’ We will never get past that!’
My husband is still pretty independent & takes very good care of himself on his own, but he is definitely not ok. I miss him so much and feel the gamut of the feelings you all feel. What a journey this is. I’m glad I’ve found a place to vent where I feel heard and felt.
Peace and love to all of you.
Replies to "@tryingtimes10 Oh my gosh. Your post was the first that I read. My husband was diagnosed..."
@lkbous It is so difficult to lose your spouse little by little. My husband was always the one with the best advice for our family, friends, and for me. I really miss that part of our relationship as well as the confidante that he was for me. It is not easy and my feelings are up and down. On my bad days I am angry or scared but on my good days I am proud of myself for stepping up to the challenges and realities of my new life. I am the one that takes care of all household tasks: bill paying -including taxes, yard work, keeping track of all appointments and the following up.( I feel guilty admitting this though, as I must be having a pity party today.) Like you, my spouse can still take care of himself physically. He works out a lot. But I do not think of our future too much. Thanks for letting me vent!
@lkbous
Hugs and just a thought, you live with your spouse and know your husband after being with him 24/7. Your children may not be around their dad enough to see what you see. When you've lived with someone that long, you really, truly know them intimitately, and you absolutely know when something is off.
I started Journaling every time my husband exhibited behaviors that were 'off', or outside his normal. Every year before his Neuro doc visit I summarize the notes to create bullet points of the most glaring issues (since doc doesn't see them long in the office, they depend on caregiver reports).
Good luck to you!
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@lkbous No one walks in our shoes and knows or understands what it is like. But the real test comes when the cognitively impaired person becomes more and more impaired. Will those same family members stand up and assist in the ever increasing care demands? Many won't.