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Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection
Aging Well | Last Active: 2 days ago | Replies (229)Comment receiving replies
Not sure if you are experiencing what I am. After losing my first husband to cancer at 52 (I was 44) I became almost obsessed with my own demise. I have since lost my parents and 3 brothers. I've seen a lot of death. My husband is not a very well man as he has aged. I'm pretty much on my own. So I always have the monkey on my shoulder reminding me how precious life is. I'm not sure if this is good thing because it keeps me on my toes or a bad thing because I spend so much time thinking about it. Since 2013 there has been a death every two years in my immediate family. So I think my 'fear' is justified but it doesn't ever go away.
Replies to "Not sure if you are experiencing what I am. After losing my first husband to cancer..."
I understand what you are saying. I almost died when I was 21 from swine flu and spent months in the ICU and hospital. When I got out, I had trouble connecting to life. All I could think about was the near death experience I'd had (classic--leaving my body, white light etc.). I was just an ordinary college student, and the experience was too much for me. It took me years--at least a decade--to try and incorporate it and start caring about life. My first husband died when I was 41, which might have had a similar effect but our daughter was six and I was suddenly a single mom. Now I'm 71, long remarried, a grandma, with serious breast cancer. So I kind of ping pong between states--awareness of death, appreciation of life. It can be tiring! I'll give a little mini list of what helps me, on the chance something here appeals to you. OK--individual therapy (to get more grounded), Death Cafe (there is an in-person one here but many towns have them), journaling and other writing, meditation and meditative things like walking in nature, reading about death (I like WHO DIES? by Stephen Levine) and being here on Connect where conversation is real. Do you think the "fear" can be turned more into a friendly awareness? And do you have any advice on the topic?
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@kahki
I hear you--lost too many family & also friends --97% also departed this life
but
Is "fear" the right word ?
Or are you just more aware than most that life can suddenly end ?
You are probably living life to the fullest and making your hubbys life the best it can be as well
Give yourself credit for being vrrrry admirable--and keep it up xxx