@earline14, you are more precious in the sight of God than you could ever imagine. "You are fearfully and wonderfully made"(the Psalms). "I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper and not to harm you"(Jeremiah). "For God so loved YOU that he gave his one and only son for you"(john 3:16). Don't throw away that gift. "Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs). Have faith. It's what keeps us going when we can't see a way forward. I hope all your fellow commenters will say a prayer for you today.