your welcome

I have three childen who have ADHD and take medication. It is a relatively minor issue as far as mental health goes, but despite the medication there are times when I literally can't understand what they are saying and what they want of me. It is frustrating, but the fact is that people with mental health issues often don't think the same way as us - they can believe that they are genuinely trying to communicate, and when they can't they take it out on other people in the form of aggression, yelling and shouting and blaming you for their frustration in not being "heard". In this state it is not worth trying to argue with them. Set clear limits and boundaries. and walk away quietly but determindly and say you will resume the conversation when everybody is calm and collected. It is really hard to put a barrier between yourself and your child, but arguing over the same ground and going over and over the same thoughts and
behaviour dosn't help anyone. Ideally you would make sure that your son sees a psychologist or psychiatrist to find out what is going on and how to move forward, but people with these issues are often un-cooperative. Perhaps you might see a counselor or psychologist youself to
work out some tactics to deal with the situation and take the burden off you. Decide where your boundaries are and enforce them clearly. In our case when voices get raised and one or other of the children starts being accusing and aggressive, that is a clear signal to me to say "We ae not getting anywhere with this. We will talk again later" and literally walk away. When suicide is brought up it is mostly manipulative, but you never know, so you should always take
threats seriously, and if you can't talk about it call one of the support groups or even the police, because they are trained to deal with it and it might give your son a taste of what might be in store for him if he refuses to get professional help. Above all, I assume you are at an age when the children should be off your hands and you should be enjoying your later years. So put a clear limit on his behaviour and yours. Only one phone call a day. Obsessive videos, letters and emails will be returned to him unopened. From my far away viewpoint ( I am in
Australia) it seems that your son is screaming out for help, doesdn't know how to go about getting help, and is taking his anger and frustration out on you. Don't play that game, it is
never ending. If he won't seek professional help, admit to yourself that it is too much to deal with by yourself, and see a counselor of psychologist yourself to better understand what is going on and learn some tactics and behaviours to deal with the situation. Seeing your child suffer with mental illness is soul-destroying and unbearably distressing. Make sure you get some "time out" to relax and unwind, otherwise you risk becoming ill yourself. What about saying that "Friday is my day" and refusing to have any calls or contact on that day. Your husband or another relative could be on call on Fridays, and you turn your phone off! It doesn't have to be all your burden. Advocate for yourself as well as your son. Your life, too, is valuable and deserves respect.