Ginny, I know it can be brutal at times. People care about you on here too. That's evident. It never hurts to speak on the ph or in-person to some of the 24hr available lines. Properly trained sources. The one to one ratio can help defuse the overwhelm that can come in many disguises. Sometimes when it feels the worst you might actually be near an unexpected change. So please hang in there, A shift can occur that really clarifies something important to you. I'm rooting for you. You're not alone. Thought hug...