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My heart goes out to you. I am in a similar situation, except my spouse is still at home. I am a polio survivor and at 81, my walking has severe limitations. In spite of that, like you, I have taken on all the household responsibilities, management of his care, and management of our rental properties. I know this can not go on indefinitely, and I continue to look for outside help and try to simplify daily tasks, when possible. The thought of us being separated, after 63 years together, is gut wrenching, I cry just thinking about it. However, I am grateful to be the one who will make the decision and, God willing, oversee his care. I have always prayed that God take him first, so I could be there for him until the end. Just know that you are doing what is best for your husband, the same way you would do for a child. The sadness you feel is from the loss of not having him beside you. His wanting to return home must be like a knife to your heart. You were chosen to be the strong one. If possible, get therapy or speak to others in the same position…possibly even someone who also has a loved one where your husband is receiving his care. Cry when you need to, stay connected to friends, don’t be afraid to ask for help, know you are doing the right thing, for both of you. I am right behind you in this journey.🤗🙏
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Thank you so much. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, and I've had some experience with difficult life choices. I know it's the right thing to do--to have him in a safe, comfortable place--but the look on his face every time I leave him there breaks my heart. I get through the mornings, my visits to him, and by evening I'm an emotional wreck. That's when I weaken and say to myself, maybe I should just bring him home. But I can't. I'm not able to physically assure his safety and my own health is not great (aortic aneurysm). I'm nearly 80. I know I sound like I'm rationalizing. Perhaps I am, but I don't see any other option. My daughter, who is a social worker who has years of experience dealing with situations exactly like mine, tells me I should find a therapist. I've been to two therapists in the past, when I was in other kinds of difficulties, and I think therapy in a crisis can be very useful, but with all the expenses I'm now incurring, including his two-week stay in the hospital, the implantation of a pacemaker, and two more weeks in rehab, and now the senior living home, finances are a concern. You say I was chosen to be the strong one. I have no doubt you're right; I've had to be strong before. But a person can be strong on the outside and an invisible, quivering kitten on the inside. Thank you for your kind thoughts. Those are what make the biggest difference.