Bill2001-thank you for your eloquent post. My “long goodbye” started with a “minor” stroke during my life partner’s heart valve surgery about 10 years ago. It’s been a long and painful journey. I thought I could take care of him in my home forever.

I was finally forced to move my life partner of 49 years to a memory care facility in June 2025. He caught a virus waiting for me with a mask in the radiology waiting area. We both got sick but he developed pneumonia followed by fluid in lungs. Every hospitalization and infection takes his brain function down a notch, but doctors and friends helped me to recognize that I could no longer be his only caregiver, particularly due to my rapid health deterioration from cancer, chemo and radiation. I shed a lot of tears with his life change but I know now that that the move was best for both of us. I think most caregivers do the best they can for the person they love. We are fortunate to be able to afford to pay for a nice facility.

I drive to his assisted living facility to bring him a decaf cappuccino daily around 4 pm. I administer his pm meds, brush his teeth, shave his face and change his diapers b4 he falls asleep. I need more rest now and am no longer capable of more than 4 hours daily so I am grateful to have been pushed by others for this change. I still drive him to the ER when I feel something is wrong. Most recently we both caught Covid for the 1 st time after one of his housemates went to dinner with family and returned with an “cold”. I sat in the ER for hours again, but he needed to be hospitalized for IV antibiotics and antivirals. I take him for medical appointments, long rides and whale watching from the car. I do the best I can to make him happy in our current life phase.

Our daily interactions vary. Yesterday he did not know who I was. We talked about things on his mind that were not real. I mostly agree when I can and give him support and someone to talk with. I hope we have a better evening today. I don’t know who he will be or if he will know me. I am grateful that we have not yet arrived at the “long quiet”.

Pamela78-does your husband take aricept? My partner needed a pacemaker after his cardiologist disagreed that aricept causes heart issues in a very small group of people. I started tracking his heartbeat throughout the day and brought him to the ER when his heartbeat dropped into the 30’s. He continued to develop more heart issues. Fortunately his internist knew of aricept risks and changed to memantine following a heart related ER visit. Aricept worked better for his dementia, but his heart works better with memantine. We also had to add seroquel for anxiety, stress and confusion following medication change. I hate increasing drugs, but we do the best we can as circumstances change.

Thanks again for posting. I wish you all the best.

To other posters-Please don’t judge other caregivers. We are all doing the best we can for our loved ones.