For those of us without family - Who will take care of you ?

Posted by ginger123 @ginger123, Feb 18, 2024

As I age, not having children or close family, I’m beginning to ask myself who will see to my care, when I can no longer take care of myself. And, who should I name in my Will to be executor….. I don’t want to burden friends, as I have a complicated estate. And friends my age have their own challenges..

I’m fortunate to have financial resources, but no children or close family. I’d like to get things in order while I’m still healthy. May I have your ideas?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

Profile picture for pvctom2021 @pvctom2021

@uconn
This is a very nice place to be…. I get the feeling of having others to share with especially when I feel anxious or nervous or just plain lonely…my truest sympathies for your loss…You have come to a nice place for support and good advice from mentors and others here…🙏pvctom

Jump to this post

Hello to all
It is 2.34 am and I’ve been besieged with many different types of arrhythmias since this afternoon… and I am freaked by them… they’re bothering me so badly I can’t sleep…I just needed to post this to try to say something to someone… I did get my walk done at the mall today, but this evening I’ve been so wiped out and unnerved…I pray this episode does not happen for long…🙏pvctom

REPLY
Profile picture for pvctom2021 @pvctom2021

Hello to all
It is 2.34 am and I’ve been besieged with many different types of arrhythmias since this afternoon… and I am freaked by them… they’re bothering me so badly I can’t sleep…I just needed to post this to try to say something to someone… I did get my walk done at the mall today, but this evening I’ve been so wiped out and unnerved…I pray this episode does not happen for long…🙏pvctom

Jump to this post

Thanks 🙏 for all of the nice reactions….🙏pvctom

REPLY
Profile picture for jip499 @jip499

Many “Elder Orphans” are unaware of fiduciaries. A fiduciary was the solution to my problem, as I have no living children to take care of medical and financial situations when I am unable to speak for myself.

Yes, it is not cheap, but you need a trustee, and fiduciaries are in the business to do so. Help make medical decisions and settle financial matters, sell your house, etc.

Jump to this post

A close friend worked as a fiduciary for several years She did get called at all hours and on days she had other things planned.
Yes, it does cost, partially because she is available when the client needs her for a trip to the doctor or the hospital, things that need to be done on demand - things that a family member might do, if there were one. It is a very valuable service

REPLY
Profile picture for pvctom2021 @pvctom2021

Hello to all
It is 2.34 am and I’ve been besieged with many different types of arrhythmias since this afternoon… and I am freaked by them… they’re bothering me so badly I can’t sleep…I just needed to post this to try to say something to someone… I did get my walk done at the mall today, but this evening I’ve been so wiped out and unnerved…I pray this episode does not happen for long…🙏pvctom

Jump to this post

I had this issue many years back. I received a heart ablation and haven’t had issues since. Talk to your doctor.

REPLY
Profile picture for sabzgirl @sabzgirl

I had this issue many years back. I received a heart ablation and haven’t had issues since. Talk to your doctor.

Jump to this post

Thanks 🙏 I’ve heard of ablation… I’ve also been watching YouTube videos from a wonderful cardiologist from York Cardiology who touches on many different reasons for PVCs.. he has been very comforting to watch and listen to…🙏pvctom

REPLY

Good article in Harvard Health. Full article at this site. Copy the entire line to browser. https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/solo-aging-who-can-you-rely-on

Build your support system
Solo-agers who want to successfully remain independent often build themselves “a little just-in-case community,” says Dr. Suzanne Salamon, clinical chief of gerontology at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center.

But it takes time, intention, and effort to assemble a group of people who are willing to jump in and help. She suggests these strategies:

Set up a buddy system. Choose a neighbor or friend and agree to call each other once a day.

Stay in regular touch with loved ones. Ask friends or extended family members to check in with you on a set schedule, “even for a minute,” Dr. Salamon says. Or if it’s routine for them to hear from you, they’ll notice sooner if you don’t touch base.

Combat isolation. Join a community group or take a class to build your social network. Even chatting with the mail carrier, lawn care contractors, or maintenance people can create a web of people who are invested in your well-being and may notice if something is amiss.

Tap senior programs. Many communities offer a Council on Aging or senior center staffed by social workers and others whose mission, at least in part, is to take care of older adults living by themselves. “They may go once a month to check on them or call them to make sure they’re okay,” Dr. Salamon says. Some offer help with shopping or errands.

REPLY

I find myself in a similar situation and I began to surround myself with a community of friends of all ages. This has given me options of someone or several individuals who I trust will carry through my wishes when I am gone.

REPLY

I dont want to burden my friends unless someone sincerely offers. My kids are far away and not happy about their childhood and trauma from parents with trauma. My loved ones have passed and people I loved who have passed.

REPLY
Profile picture for tevadog @tevadog

I dont want to burden my friends unless someone sincerely offers. My kids are far away and not happy about their childhood and trauma from parents with trauma. My loved ones have passed and people I loved who have passed.

Jump to this post

The idea of building an intentional circle is different than "burdening ones friends". We live half the year in a multi-aged intentional community, some year round, others seasonal. We ALL look out for one another, providing social and emotional connections, sharing meals 3-4 times weekly, and of course helping out in any kind of crisis or tough situation. Younger people tackle heavy tasks for those who cannot, older people provide support to young families when grandparents are far away. We have a no-questions-asked table of food, household supplies, etc. When someone needs a hand up it's there. Anyone with wheels provides rides as needed. And when we go "home" for the summer we stay in touch, visit and help out whenever needed.

At home, we have built a network of various friends and relatives who can call on each other - some near neighbors, some farther away. My daughters who live nearby are learning to do the same since Mom and Dad are not always on hand.

I believe Americans have to get out of the mindset that we must take care of ourselves by ourselves.

REPLY
Profile picture for pvctom2021 @pvctom2021

Hello to all
It is 2.34 am and I’ve been besieged with many different types of arrhythmias since this afternoon… and I am freaked by them… they’re bothering me so badly I can’t sleep…I just needed to post this to try to say something to someone… I did get my walk done at the mall today, but this evening I’ve been so wiped out and unnerved…I pray this episode does not happen for long…🙏pvctom

Jump to this post

Have you discussed ablation surgery with your cardiologist? I experienced arrhythmias several years back, and the ablation surgery stemmed the arrhythmias.
Best to you.

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.