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There is no hope: Life feels impossible to me
Autoimmune Diseases | Last Active: 2 days ago | Replies (85)Comment receiving replies
It might not be the right place to post it but i just feel like i need to get this off my chest, so i am 19 and i started dealing with chronic overlooked misunderstood illnesses at 15, i developed mold senstivity which gave me chronic brain fog which i havent been able to clear until this day, also at 16 i developed vision issues (which later found to be acommadation/convegerance insufficency) which makes near sight vision feel uncomfortable and cause difficulty reading and blurry vision, at 17 i developed uars which is pretty similair to sleep apnea and at 18 a problem with my jaw where i feel constant discomfort in my orofacial area and eating is uncomftrable also, along this way i also had periods of severe depression and suicidality and psychaitric hospitalisations which where abusive and very traumatising, i got zero help from doctors and the medical system with none of my problems, and many gaslighting and negelct, it took more then a year and a half after uars started to find a doctor willing to diagnose and treat it while insurance wont even cover any treatment, thing is my day to day is hell, i have been going through immense amount of suffering for way too long and staying alive feels so hard, i have been suicidal for so long now tough i want to live just under better conditions, i stopped trying to get help from doctors and the medical system due to trauma but at the same time im unable to find help on my own, i feel lost, trapped, and really need things to change, i am disabled and no one really understands whats my reality is like, when i tell about it to my parents many time i do so in a very angry depressed way which makes them think i need ssri but i tell them that ssri wont take away the fact that i have zero life quality, ive been stuck in this loop for too long and something needs to change, i just had to get that off my chest
Replies to "It might not be the right place to post it but i just feel like i..."
You've come to the right place. Support is here. It takes a bit of time for people to check in but lots of support here.
I am 71 and was healthy until an antibiotic took me out..on Dec 19 2019.. blew a hemorrhage in my stomach.. and it's just spiraled since then..I have asthma.. but that's under control.. some days I can't even get out of bed..and that's so hard.. having been active.. driving 1000 miles a week on my job.. painting the house.. all
the stuff in life you do.. and it just breaks my heart to read your story.. I know how frustrating the medical system can be.. a bad doctor is a bad thing.. you can divorce a bad spouse but a bad doctor can kill you.. (several have almost succeeded with me..).. I have thought ..I'll just blow my brains out..but ..I'll OD.. but..winter time I'll just go out there and freeze to death but...who will find me..?? And what will it do to them..?? My best friend shot herself in 2006 and we still cry. She was a nurse and got sick with MS and strokes and all this stuff. and she just did it..and if I could only tell her how much I love her one more time..so you please don';t even think about suicide!! Those thoughts come from the pit of hell.. ( yes I have become an on fire for God/ Jesus is Lord Pentecostal during my illness watching TV ..I won't preach to you.. I will ask you.. tell GOD.. cry out to Him.. He loves you enough to send his Son to die for us ..and by His stripes we are healed!! There are prayer warriors out there to pray with you.. you can call them if you like.. Joyce Meyer is one.. ..Kenneth Copeland..and maybe that's not your thing..it wasn't mine. it is now!!.You are young and God has a good plan for your life!! So I will pray for you!! )Please stay strong.. it's so hard.. I know.. I've been standing on the stripes of Jesus for 5 years..amd just now my healing is manifesting.. it isn't always instant.. you sound like a lovely young person and I just know you are having such a difficult time for someone so young.. I'm sending you a hug and praying for you precious !!
I am 71 and have dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts sinceI was 17. However I found caring psychiatrists and psychologists my whole life. I have been seeing my current psychiatrist for about 10 years on a weekly basis. Talking to him keeps me centered and we deal with the depression as soon as it comes up. I tell him everything I am thinking. If you cannot afford a private psychiatrist , you can go to your local mental health center. They have very caring psychologists and clinical social workers. I am so sorry you had such bad hospital experiences. I assure you that there caring people willing to help you out there. I am a retired psychologist and would have been happy to see you in therapy. Please don’t give up.
I am so sorry for the real struggle you are experiencing. I am 78. I had been prescribed xanax 20 years ago for anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia. Trying to wean myself off put me in a place of devastation and hopelessness. The journey continued for 19 months. The only way I survived was through prayer, meditation and I was fortunate to find a studio where I learned Tai Chi and Qigong. I am better now, but the long term damage is still there in continued insomnia and anxiety. I just take one day at a time.
I pray you will find a way to heal and find the little joys that life has to offer. Definitely reading scripture everyday is important for me.
Have you seen a mental health professional, like a psychiatrist? I would start there. Not a psychologist or therapist but an actual psychiatrist, especially a forensic psychiatrist.
Don’t give up. I’m 63 and have dealt with issues since I was younger than you. Life hasn’t been “rosy” but it’s good, some days even great.
Hi @ariza9110, you sound at the end of your rope. I see from your multiple posts that you are a fighter. Constantly having to advocate for yourself is really hard work. You're exhausted and not getting answers that will help you to move forward. No wonder you're exhausted and at the end of your rope.
Here are a few things that I might suggest if you haven't tried them already.
1. Find a social worker
A social worker can help you. They will advocate with you, help find resources and can also help with doctor-patient communication.
You may be able to find no cost/low cost services at FindHelp if financing is a barrier.
FindHelp https://www.findhelp.org/ is a social care network that connects people and programs — making it easy for people to find low-cost to no-cost services in their communities, including health services.
2. Call a helpline in times of need
If you need to talk to someone, text or call 988 https://988lifeline.org
or
https://www.warmline.org/ Warmlines (also known as peer support warmlines or peer-operated behavioral health warmlines) are phone, chat, or text lines that provide empathetic listening and peer support to individuals who may be experiencing distress or loneliness, or those seeking validation from a peer with lived experience who identifies with their concerns and can offer a confidential and non-judgmental space for connection and self-directed exploration of possible solutions and alternatives.
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I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm 16, and through I haven't experienced the same pain as you, I understand frustration, pain, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I once thought of taking me life, but not anymore. I found a light. My religion is the only thing that kept me going, it gave me peace. I encourage you to seek out passions and hobbies and try to make the best of your life. Do some research on good specialists and make appointments with these doctors. I really hope you get better. The journey is rough I've battle severe depression for years, I can promise it gets better. Have you heard the song Numb Little Bug by Em Beihold? If not listen to it. I think her lyrics accurately describe this. I hope you find your peace.