For those of us without family - Who will take care of you ?

Great info, thank you so much!

thank you "Ihatediabetes." Yes we are going to an eldercare attorney right now. The way forward is difficult. I read "Women Rowing North" by Mary Piper. I enjoyed it and I knew I wasn't alone. But I also knew that what I saw and felt was real, about as real as it can get. I would say "gratitude and grit" is necessary. I thank my therapist for that thought.

I have a birthday coming up in exactly one month from today. I will be 91. It is hard for me to believe that I am that old. During my working career I was fortunate in that I worked for attorneys and my last 23 years for a probate and trust specialist. She did the trust for my husband and me. My husband died four years ago. Now I am the trustee. But what happens when I die? Previously it was our younger son (we have two). But a serious breach between us caused me to rethink the situation. I found a fiduciary trustee. We amended the trust, cutting him out and replacing her. You have to do your homework to find a good one. It is not ethical to have your attorney be the trustee and my former boss would never do this. A good trust done by a certified specialist is not cheap. Unhappily too many people are cheap. They want it all done for just a little bit of money. Many of them will go to the ones who advertise. You know that anyone who is a lawyer can say they can do a trust. But do they do it properly. We had many instances where the heirs came to us to "fix things" because of this. In the end it cost the estate money that could have been avoided if they had used a good and responsible attorney and paid for good and responsible work. If that is the way you want to go, then after all the paperwork is completed (there is more than just a trust instrument), you and your trustee can discuss various ways for your care should you be in a position where you cannot care for yourself. I am extremely fortunate that so far in spite of my advanced years I can still care for myself. But my trustee and I have had that conversation.

Thank you for this wisdom. Congratulations on making it to 91.

My mother had an excellent trust and we four daughters made it through it all without arguments, etc.

Thus far, I have had to eliminate my children from any planning. Am not sure what direction I will be going at this point.

Their father (we were married 30 yrs) and after our divorce 14 years ago, their father has now died at age 76, with no will and no trust for them to follow, but he had an attorney picked out and ordered the children to not inform me of anything.

A nightmare. One reason I divorced him long ago, he was a selfish, self serving idiot and now our oldest son is having to deal with my ex's mess with an attorney in the middle; and he caused all my children to be estranged from me with lies all the way around.

I am in the same boat. I feel much better after getting the names of two licensed fiduciaries in Arizona from my estate lawyer. He had positive experiences to report with both organizations. I l have one appointed as a backup trustee and medical power of attorney if my spouse can no longer serve. I met with the fiduciaries and am satisfied that they are professionals and will represent my interests, not only when it comes to financial matters but also when serving as a medical care advocate. These women havve many years of experience with local hospitals and care facilities. Very few relatives have that type of knowledge or expertise. It would be nice to have relatives to care for us in our old age but I think I have found a very satisfactory alternative. Some may say that there is a risk of fraud or mismanagement, but as a retired lawyer, I can tell you the same can be said about some relatives. Good luck.

Yes, this sounds like a nightmare. So sorry you are having to go through this. At this point it may be a good idea to get this all down on paper, find a good probate/trust lawyer, and pay for an advice appointment. If you decide to go this route, please make sure that the person you choose is a specialist in this field. It may be that only one appointment is needed for the right attorney to set you on the right path. Good luck.

So true and so often it does happen that relatives, including children, often mismanage matters due to either lack of knowledge or outright fraud.
Some individuals given legal powers do everything they can to keep the ill person on life support longer than the instructions in the ill persons health documents, in other words longer than the ill person requested in their document ....... such as their wishes stated in their Health Care Document. They do this just to be able to take as much of the money as possible from the ill person's financial accounts while they are alive and therefore not only taking from the ill person but also from the eventual listed beneficiaries within the Will or Trust.
I, myself, am looking into learning more about Vanguard National Trust Company to be the Successor Trustee (fiduciary). Vanguard National Trust Company is the subsidiary of Vanguard Group Inc. as in Vanguard Funds.
Hope our discussion helps give others something to consider and think about.

Many “Elder Orphans” are unaware of fiduciaries. A fiduciary was the solution to my problem, as I have no living children to take care of medical and financial situations when I am unable to speak for myself.

Yes, it is not cheap, but you need a trustee, and fiduciaries are in the business to do so. Help make medical decisions and settle financial matters, sell your house, etc.

So what your really saying people that only have 1300 mo retirement income and 50,000. saved are out of luck. As my best friend stole my retirement money (over 1 million by now). The insurance company that I had for my 400,000 house kept putting me off as she knew I was very disabled with multiple disabilities. They hired bad people that stole went into off limits room and searched and stoled mine and my mothers jewelry she gave me just before she died as I just got back . This was the great snowstorm in Texas where most everyone got paid fm insurance but a few like me that were stiffed. Then tenants never paid. When I evicted them they wouldn't answer door & stayed to 2 days before sheriff came. Left owing me thousands. Then even boyfriend of 15 yrs who was controlling to say the least talked me into selling my rentals for peanuts just before the housing boom as I wasn't at his house enough when he said he would be at my house or pick me up and take me back when he mived farther out. But NOT. He also stole my mother's inheritance and some jewerly esp 5 caret diamond ring I bought in last few yrs of relationship when I was trying to figure out how to leave. So I couldn't leave him on my terms. More and more like this.

I am in the same boat and am looking at identifying a fiduciary and possibly a continuing care community. This is an interesting discussion thread and will follow it with interest.