So sorry you are dealing with this. Nothing prepares us for this journey. Each family and social group is different and it is hard to know how much and when to share.

Working with a talented therapist might be something to consider. Helped me greatly to unpack the feelings: the loss, grief, anger, etc. This is a grieving process you are going through -- the slow painful loss of what was, what might have been and your new reality. Having others to help you through this -- be they very understanding and close friends, family, a religious person (priest/rabbi, etc.), and/or therapists -- is key. Trying to do this solo or to "hide it all" will just exhaust you and one cannot just hold this all in.

Having a support group for you, for your mental health and well being is imperative. If they are true friends -- not just acquaintances you keep up a mask for -- your true friends will be there for you and you need to let them in. They love you and would want to help; even if that is just listening to you vent, cry or yell.

Hugs and know you are not alone. There are local support groups in addition to these "blog-type" groups. Hope you find a good fit with such a group. And hope your true friends can help support you.