He remembers. He is just remembering the awful way we both felt when I left.
I’ve been back over a month.
Daily our neighbors and this woman( married3x last husband had dementia- she had him locked up) constantly tell him that since he does not know why I left? He can’t trust me. She texts him and says” tell her to leave, now!”.
But he likes me here. I feed him and clean the house I fill out the medical paperwork he needs done. I grocery shop. I go to Dr with him. I do his computer stuff. I reinforce who he is. I tell him all the amazing things he does and has done. I tell him about how proud we are of our amazing children. I share the wonderful things he taught our children and grandchildren. He swells with pride.
I can’t be the nagging person telling him what to do, I can’t be the person asking him why he did not do what I told him, or why he did not do what he said. That is what caused me to leave ( not knowing he was forgetting).
I am going to let her be that person. She nags him. She is older than him, she is near 80. I think she is preying on him. Out primary care thinks so. He actually told our primary care Dr I was dead. Husbands assures her he loves her. So I read she says he must send me packing.
Well. She does not know the divorce action was signed by us and sent to the judge to be set aside. He says he tells her everything. Lol. Everything he can remember. We never even got to property division. I was too emotional, as my world was ending at 70 yo. His was also and he could not do the paperwork. He had always paid our bills. He made all decisions. I can do it, but he liked doing it.
If they( neighbors and the ‘ lady’ would leave him alone? We would be fine. But they think he needs their emotional support. Yes he does. But to keep me, not leave me.
We moved to this 55+ HOA to retire. The ppl who live here think everything is their business. Why? Cos we both bought homes here? BS
I want to choose my friends. The ppl have no boundaries.
If I have to take legal action, I guess I will. But I don’t want my husbands condition revealed to them.
I would rather look like the stupid woman that they think he is playing. So he can visit with this woman and have me too. I love him so much? If he planned it this way I would even agree to it all. Just to have a piece of him as often as I could.
I just want her to be the nag. Telling him what to do.
He tries to be loyal to her, he stopped telling me he loves me, but he does say he loves me and always will. He tries to not kiss me. But when he wakes in morning he kisses me and holds me like always. When he is relaxed and we’ve been alone he is mine and I am his.
I just hope she realizes that she is down the street and I am in the home.
A reality that exists - no matter anything else? I am not leaving.
She has him looking for apartments for me to live in. But let me back up. He called me and told me he wanted to help me. He told our real friends he decided he had to take care of me. He said he would give me our 5th wheel to live in( yes. I know it’s ours)then told me to put it in Cali near a family members home. Then told me to get my deposit back, he wanted me closer to him. Then said he did not trust the guy in the trailer next door. So now he wants me in a 2 bdrm apartment. They are 1,2$ to 1,5$ a month plus utilities . He says he will put it in his new credit card. WTF?? If I sign a lease he is just as responsible. We are married. He knows on some level the money is not there.
Anyway. I am going along with his decisions. He takes every single opportunity to take care of me. I do have 3 serious health problems, Heart( pacemaker, mvp, tricuspid regurgitation and atrial flutter- not afib yet- it is stress), Back, thoracic & lumbar ( 5 injuries, 3 disc total collapse, 3 vertebrae compression fractures, spinal cord impingement and osteoporosis, AND Corkscrew esophagus ( 2014 surgery to remove total stomach and esophagus was scheduled- USC Keck saved me. No lower esophageal sphincter so I can’t lay flat. History of ulcers, hiatal hernia x3 related 2x.
I’m holding out
I hope she is impatient.
She will be the bad guy.
He knows I love him . He know he loves me .
My son gave me the best advice.
In some level mom he likes what you’re doing. Just keep doing it mom. He also told me to stop talking. My husband does not need me in his head. I know I’m deeply seated in his heart.
And the linger I’m seated in the wife seat? She can only hurt him. I don’t want him hurt, but she does not care she wants him and our money.
Any advice?