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Does it make sense that HB’s ( Human Beings) can “ change”
Just Want to Talk | Last Active: Sep 3, 2025 | Replies (28)Comment receiving replies
Good morning, sillyblone (@sillyblone)
You make many good points, as well as share many powerful observations. I hadn't thought to slide the discussion away from "change" (Is change possible?) when I mentioned perfectionism in passing, but so be it.
You say that you've been a perfectionist your "entire life." I haven't been. In reviewing my life (I'm 80), it doesn't appear that I was a perfectionist for the first 40-plus years of that life. From my late teens until my mid-40s, I was a drinker––not a "nasty" drinker (no lost jobs, no busted relationships … well, maybe one 🙂 … no fist fights, no DUIs)––I was more or less a social drinker: "social," but heavy-duty. Cutting right to the chase, in my mid-40s I realized I'd been suffocating my ambitions (i.e., Jim Beam-ing away my life) and had to quit.
Looking back today, I believe AA with its 12 Steps (as well as other strict sobriety programs) made me a perfectionist, I say "made;" it may have been more like "brought perfectionism to the forefront of me" (that it had been there all along). I no longer pay daily attention to the 12 Steps, but Perfectionist Me has, over the years, formulated other programs or practices that serve a guardrails or signposts for daily living. (One of my guardrails, for example, I call the "Bloomsbury Triad," which I'm happy to explain to anyone who's curious. 🙂 )
I'll stop here, sillyblone. I thank you for your post. You've given me much to think about as this day rolls along.
Cheers!
Ray (@ray666)
Replies to "Good morning, sillyblone (@sillyblone) You make many good points, as well as share many powerful observations...."
I am a recovering alcoholic/addict of 7+ years. I was a chronic relapser from the age of 14 years old. I was 47 years old, when I got sober this time. I do believe that people can change. I have seen changes in myself due to the 12 steps of AA as well as therapy and I am also back in graduate school. I had no idea that I had a part of myself that was a perfectionist. I would have never called that, but I do. It has always been there, just covered with substances. I (like others) seem to have a very all or nothing, black or white view of the world. I am working on changing that part of me with the help of my belief in "God", "the Source", "higher power..." whatever you call that. I believe we all have that belief inside and it connects everything...the Universe, planets, all living things. The ONLY absolute is CHANGE. Everything is constantly changing. There is a lot of research about the brain as well and neuroplasticity, meaning that we can change our brains. We can utilize modalities and meditation, etc., to reroute the paths of the neurons and the firing of those. There is so much we do not know. As human beings, we know a lot...we also really don't know. I find human behavior fascinating. This is a wonderful topic and I have truly enjoyed reading others comments.
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I think that you gave me a compliment. I have always wanted to be educated and work at being the best individual I could possibly be. My spouse has always encouraged me and made me feel like I was the best thing that happened to him. He is my love , my reason to get up and anything that comes up. I am retired and plan to stay that way. But this Caregiving has been the hardest thing I have ever encountered. I realize we all lose are battle called life. But.. as long as he is on this earth he will know I have his back. I have had three people in my family who have had Parkinsons. That does not make me an expert..but I know what it means to deal with this horrible disease! I enjoyed your comments and am always interested in learning anything new. Perfectionist is and will always be me. My father was in the military and I was the oldest of five. My Mom was a wonderful woman. If only I could talk or hug here again. I was given lots of responsibilities at a young age. I can see that it has helped me to deal with many things in my life and other's. I love my family and would do anything if needed to help. I am always a wife, protector and giver. Again thank you. 🫂 🤗