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Does it make sense that HB’s ( Human Beings) can “ change”
Just Want to Talk | Last Active: Sep 3, 2025 | Replies (28)Comment receiving replies
I think you bring up a good question
I am a perfectionist and have been my entire life. I feel the need to further help others and prevent harm or like in my spouses case, I try to foresee any harm or help him through his walk with Parkinsons. It wears me out. But.. I really don't care as long as he gets care and feels loved. I am not perfect by any means. I know I can't fix anything, unless is fixable. If he needs a meal, an ear to talk to, a question about something that I can answer I am there. The hardest part as I cannot stop Parkinsons and I know this..but it definitely will always be there. He is an awesome human being and other times a person I don't recognize. I try to understand , but it's not ok if he treats me dis respectively. I am strong and can work circles around anyone if I have to. Sadness follows me wherever I go and we get another diagnosis added to the already more than anyone should have to take. He is doing PT and ST. It is helping a great deal. He feels like he has control of something. Thank you for your insight. Made me think and realize I cannot do everything alone.
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Good morning, sillyblone (@sillyblone)
You make many good points, as well as share many powerful observations. I hadn't thought to slide the discussion away from "change" (Is change possible?) when I mentioned perfectionism in passing, but so be it.
You say that you've been a perfectionist your "entire life." I haven't been. In reviewing my life (I'm 80), it doesn't appear that I was a perfectionist for the first 40-plus years of that life. From my late teens until my mid-40s, I was a drinker––not a "nasty" drinker (no lost jobs, no busted relationships … well, maybe one 🙂 … no fist fights, no DUIs)––I was more or less a social drinker: "social," but heavy-duty. Cutting right to the chase, in my mid-40s I realized I'd been suffocating my ambitions (i.e., Jim Beam-ing away my life) and had to quit.
Looking back today, I believe AA with its 12 Steps (as well as other strict sobriety programs) made me a perfectionist, I say "made;" it may have been more like "brought perfectionism to the forefront of me" (that it had been there all along). I no longer pay daily attention to the 12 Steps, but Perfectionist Me has, over the years, formulated other programs or practices that serve a guardrails or signposts for daily living. (One of my guardrails, for example, I call the "Bloomsbury Triad," which I'm happy to explain to anyone who's curious. 🙂 )
I'll stop here, sillyblone. I thank you for your post. You've given me much to think about as this day rolls along.
Cheers!
Ray (@ray666)